- Write the story of your life in 140 characters or less.
- Make a list of everyday things that make you smile, but also internally die.
- Write a letter to your future self. Tell yourself how much you suck.
- Think about your last blackout. Fill in the blanks here.
- Write a script to the imaginary argument you’ve been having with your boyfriend.
- Think about your last good blow job. Write a how-to guide here.
- Write a eulogy for your dead fish.
- Get drunk. Write a haiku to your ex.
- Write an ode to vodka.
- Create a blackmail letter to your boss.
- Write the script to a porno, featuring your boss.
- Write a mock cover letter describing what qualifies you to be a stripper.
- List every good decision you’ve ever made.
- Using the blank page from the previous entry, list every good drink you’ve had.
- Detour week: DRAW your ideal dick.
- Find a recent subtweet. Analyze it here.
- Write about a bitch you know named Ashley.
- Journal about the last family party you ruined.
- Think about your last bad blow job. Write a how-to guide here.
- Write out a script for when the barista screws up your drink.
- Name three fictional characters who you wouldn’t mind assassinating.
- Imagine you’re marrying your last one-night stand. Write your vows.
- Read an erotic story. Write a critical review of it here.
- Read Jane Eyre. Write a critical review of it here.
- Think about your last drunken rampage. Calculate the calories that you consumed.
- If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, and then fuck them, who would it be?
- Think about the last funeral you attended. Turn it into a comedy skit.
- Imagine that you were asked to name your enemy’s child. List name ideas here.
- Imagine that you are in a sinking ship and can only save one friend. Write a farewell speech to the rest of your shipmates.
- Think about the last time you were in church. If you were to take the podium from the priest (Kanye style), what would you say?
- Write out the (real or imagined) conversation between you and your mom after she finds your Plan B box.
- If you could only drink one liquor for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- Imagine life as a nun. Write about all the things you’d miss.
- Imagine life as a frat boy. Write about all the things you’d miss.
- You’re Leonardo DiCaprio and you just lost another Oscar nomination. What’s your internal monologue?
- Think about the last ant you stepped on. Write him an apology letter.
- Count your blessings.
- Count your #blessings.
- Write a thank you note to your favorite sex toy.
- Think about the last time your president talked in chapter. If you were to take the podium (again, Kanye style), what would you say?
- You’re on a sinking boat with all of the Kardashians. Who do you save, and why?
- List every bitch that you have ever screwed over.
- List every bitch that has ever screwed you over.
- Create a ranking of guys you’ve slept with, from smallest to largest dick.
- Imagine that you’ve been captured by a tribe of cannibals. What do you say to convince them to let you go?
- Imagine that you bought the last pair of leggings in the entire world, and now you’re surrounded by a tribe of angry girls with torches. What do you say to convince them to let you go?
- Once rationalizing with the aforementioned girls inevitably fails, how do you fight your way out of the angry mob?
- Write a breakup song. Direct it at Taylor Swift.
- Write new mottos for all of the sororities on your campus.
- Think about the worst jungle juice you’ve ever had. Create its recipe.
- Find your very first Facebook status. Tear your 12-year-old self to shreds.
- Write a hypothetical column for TSM..
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PSLsandPearls
PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at PSLandPearlsTSM@gmail.com (note the single PSL).
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