Judge Tells Defendant He Can Either Marry His Girlfriend Or Go To Jail

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The idea of spending the rest of your life with one person is scary. The idea of spending 15 days in prison is also scary. Personally, I’d rather do some time and rack up some street cred than settle down with any of the male bimbos I currently associate with. But that’s just me.

A 21-year-old Texan named Josten Bundy recently faced court charges for assaulting his girlfriend’s ex with a belt buckle. The defendant claims that the former boyfriend had made some hurtful remarks about the girl, but if you ask me, he was probably just trying to prove that he’s a tough guy, despite the face that his name is “Josten Bundy.” I mean, who doesn’t say bad shit about their ex? Do we all deserve a beating, too?

The judge gave Bundy a choice between fifteen days in jail, or writing bible verses and marrying his girlfriend. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes, this is real life. And yes, our boy Josten opted to marry his girlfriend.

I don’t understand how this judge got away with such a bogus sentence. He’s treating the defendant like he’s his 13-year-old son who just got caught smoking cigarettes in the garage. How the hell is marrying a 19-year-old (that’s right, his girlfriend is nineteen fucking years old) going to help him learn not to assault people? That’s like arresting someone for shoplifting and then having them work at the store they stole from. It’s awkward.

Bundy’s girlfriend noted that the whole scenario “wasn’t the wedding she wanted.” To be honest, if I were the dude, I would’ve chosen jail. Fifteen days is nothing, and if I timed the attack just right, I could be reading Twilight in a cot right now instead of working my ass off for recruitment. I just hope the couple holds off on having kids for awhile. This whole thing is a terribly uncomfortable story for them to have to tell little Josten Jr. when he asks his parents about how Daddy Bundy proposed.

[via Fox News]

Image via Shutterstock

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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