Columns

Just 50 Great Jokes Sorority Girls Told In 2016

tsms

  1. *Replaces feelings with new clothes.*
  2. Drinking in his letters, but never in yours.
  3. My favorite drink is the kind boys buy for me.
  4. “I only wear makeup when there are boys and alcohol involved.
  5. “I’m not sleeping here tonight.”
    “Where are you sleeping?”
    I’m not sure yet, I just know it won’t be here.”
  6. High tolerance for his alcohol. Low tolerance for his bullshit.
  7. Every girl wants to hear those five little words: “You can keep the shirt.”
  8. When they say they only have beer, but you know they’ll magically “find” vodka for you in ten minutes.
  9. Always classy, never in class.
  10. If you can’t handle me at my worst, you probably have healthy boundaries.
  11. When your heart is colder than your drink.
  12. Scheduling your mental breakdown for early morning or late night because mascara is expensive.
  13. “Do we hate her?”
  14. “What time do you want to get there? It starts at 10.”
    “11.”
  15. My [pledge] mama don’t like you, and she likes everyone [as long as you’re cute, over six feet tall, and in a good fraternity.
  16. I can do all things through Starbucks, which strengthens me.
  17. I only like him when I’m drunk.
  18. Getting drunk for the sole purpose of texting a guy.
  19. I don’t “overpack.” I’m just prepared for anything including any and all theme parties.
  20. My eyelash glue is stronger than most of my relationships.
  21. Thinking about your future little more than your future husband.
  22. Going to the library for academic reasons, but choosing where to sit for social reasons.
  23. Morning routine: Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, back to bed.
  24. *Pregames for a fraternity formal with a different fraternity.*
  25. Showing up to an alcohol awareness event hungover AF.
  26. “I’m literally only going for the Instagram.”
  27. You can tell when you joined your sorority by seeing when your Instagram likes doubled.
  28. Running into a hookup in the daylight and being pleasantly surprised to find he is still cute.
  29. Buying three dresses for a formal you haven’t even been asked to yet.
  30. “I think it only counts if you care about the person, so my number’s like zero.”
  31. Treating frat pledges like they’re your own.
  32. Wearing a sorority t-shirt the first day of class, so everyone knows who TF you are.
  33. I like mixed drinks, not mixed signals.
  34. Better safe than standards.
  35. I need either caffeine or vodka. I don’t care which, but I need it now.
  36. Standards: “We need to discuss your social media.”
    Me: “Is this because I double posted?”
  37. *Buys new planner in hopes of getting life together.*
  38. “How did you guys meet?”
    Alcohol and the Greek system.
  39. I have more money on my Starbucks card than I do in my savings account.
  40. Using Malibu as a chaser.
  41. Using Find My Friends to see who shacked at which frat houses.
  42. Liking your little’s new profile picture before you even see what it looks like.
  43. Spending more time on hair and makeup for pref night than for formal.
  44. Having an entire fraternity whipped.
  45. The cooler outlasting the relationship.
  46. “I’m not drunk enough for this,” as you walk into class.
  47. You can’t regret what you don’t remember.
  48. My “type” is trust fund babies.
  49. Continuously checking your snap story after sending a nude to make sure you didn’t accidentally post it.
  50. I’ve got the body of a 19-year-old and the ID of a 26-year-old.
Nice Move330
Respond

Email this to a friend

Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

New Stories

Load More