Justin Bieber Arrested For Being A Douchebag

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Justin Bieber was arrested early Thursday morning in Miami, Florida and charged with drunken driving, resisting arrest, and driving without a valid license. The people of the world let out a collective LOL. Bieber, whose recent headlines include banging a Brazilian hooker, being a shitty driver, dropping 75k at a strip club, being a shitty boyfriend, vandalizing his neighbor’s house, being a shitty human, and letting a friend take the fall for the ridiculous amount of coke, weed, and prescription pills found in his home, was taken to a Miami jail after the Hilary Swank lookalike failed a sobriety test.

According to police reports, the 19-year-old pop star and all around asshat was arrested at around 4am after he was pulled over while drag racing his yellow Lamborghini. The other car involved, a red Ferrari, was being driven by R&B singer Khalil Sharief. He was also carted off to jail. No one cared about him, though, so back to Biebs we go.

Police reports state that Bieber was going more than double the speed limit (he was racing, duh) and that he was none too pleased to be pulled over by some flashing red lights. The officer who stopped him, said that the car “smelled a strong odor of alcoholic beverage” and that the little shit’s eyes were bloodshot. He reportedly had a “stupid look on his face.” Well, now, to be fair, that’s how he always looks.

Because he is a fucking moron and his army of an entourage did not include any high school graduates attorneys, Justin was forthright with the policeman and admitted to consuming alcohol, smoking pot, and being high on prescription pills. #oh Despite having just admitted to breaking like seventeen laws, he decided that his arrest was totally unwarranted and attempted to fight his arresting officer. #doubleoh

Bieber’s bail was set at $2,500 and because he is just asking to be punched in the vagina, he is smiling in his mugshot. I’m sorry. Can we be done with him yet?

[via Fox News]

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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