Just like every other 13-year-old girl I’m friends with, I freaking love Katy Perry’s music. It’s upbeat, it’s fun, it’s catchy, and it’s totally perfect for middle school dances and bar basements alike. While I do shamelessly enjoy her tunes and Muppet-esque singing voice, I do not, however, enjoy her. For whatever reason, I’ve always found her to be slightly annoying. And by “slightly annoying,” I mean I would rather hang out with my hormonal 16-year-old self than her–she’s that bad. Between her bug eyes and weird costumes and tendency to date men who could double as the homeless crackhead who sleeps outside my apartment building, she just rubs me the wrong way. Also, I think she’s dumb. There. I said it.
The thing about dumb people is that it’s fine if they know they’re stupid. But celebrities never seem to fall under that category. They get famous for singing or dancing or acting or whatever it is that they got bullied for in the seventh grade. (Because they alllllllll got bullied, didn’t they?) Seventh grade is also, coincidentally, the last year of school they successfully finished, but I digress. So, they move to L.A., do a shit ton of heroin, almost die a few times, get famous, and then become fucking goodwill ambassadors and trusted presidential advisors. Seriously, you know what we want from you, celebrities? We want you to entertain us. We want you to make movies and sing songs and tell funny jokes on Twitter. We want you to look pretty and work out and look skinnier than half of an Olsen twin, because that is your job. We don’t want to listen to you bitch about your workouts or how no one understands you or how the paparazzi won’t stop taking pictures of you. But more than anything, we don’t want to hear your thoughts on Crimea, our collapsing economy, the war in Afghanistan, or on social issues. I turn on primetime to look at pretty people. I turn on the news to hear smart people. There’s no crossover. You do your job and let the experts do theirs.
Which brings me back to Katy Perry. Katy Perry doesn’t understand that we don’t care about her. We care about her music, we care about her latest tabloid boyfriend, but we don’t care about her stance on Obamacare or gender equality–and for good reason. In perhaps the stupidest answer any celebrity has ever given during an interview ever, Katy Perry was asked about the definition of feminism and her answer deserves nothing less than a bitch slap from Gloria Steinem. No, seriously.
“A feminist? Uh, yeah, actually. I used to not really understand what that word meant, and now that I do, it just means that I love myself as a female and I also love men. I am a strong woman, and hear me roar!”
*Smashes head against my desk.* Check out the rest of the interview below.