Contrary to reports from the previously leaked source, Kim and Kanye have officially named their baby girl North. That’s right. Her name is North West. I was rooting for you, Kanye. You had one chance to redeem yourself in the eyes of the world, and you blew it. I hate you almost as much as your daughter will when her daddy issues kick in and she becomes a second-rate stripper.
My apologies for your parents’ unfortunate decisions, baby Kimye. Can I still call you Kaidence anyway? Kool.
Secret’s out! After a nurse let Kimye’s baby name slip to the media, we can all rest assured that at least this poor girl’s name isn’t “North,” but it might be almost as bad.
Kim and Kanye picked “Kaidence Donda” as the name for their bouncing baby girl who came five weeks early because the world just couldn’t wait for her one more second. In adhering to the ‘K’ name tradition of the Kardashian family, Kaidence was picked as a first name, and the middle name, Donda, honors Kanye’s late mother, Dr. Donda West.
I’m all about sticking to traditions, but Kaidence? Really? There are a ton of other names, beginning with ‘K’ Here’s my list of names for baby Kimye that, while still keeping up the family name, are still better than Kaidence:
- Karen. You could dress her up as a mouse (duh), bedazzle her chest with a backwards ‘K’ and you would have done the only thing possible to make your daughter more famous and beloved by the media – you would have turned her into a walking homage to Mean Girls. There’s still time to change her name. You know I’m right.
- Kelly Green. She would make a fabulous duo with Blue Ivy. They’d sell millions of albums just cooing to each other as little babies. They have the potential to become two of the most musically talented humans in the world, so you might as well help them out now with names that click.
- Kennedy. The world has finally been graced with another ally in the fight against Taylor Swift’s attempt at social domination. Baby Kimye could be our savior. Why not name her something that emphasizes Taylor’s inability to keep a boyfriend/marry up/sing about non-pathetic matters so that when baby Kimye DOES finally succeed (and we know she will), Taylor will be sent running to the hills crying over another relationship gone wrong.
Kaidence obviously wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s admittedly better than “North,” “South,” or any other cardinal direction for that matter. I can only imagine what being named after an airline would do to that poor girl. She’d grow up with daddy issues, be sent into a self-deprecating downward spiral, probably star on the Disney channel, and then end up in porn by the time she was fifteen. I’m already obsessed with Baby Kimye, and I can’t imagine the heartbreak I would feel if all her future held for her was amateur child porn. Be proud of your name, Kaidence, and don’t you dare take any crap from any of Taylor Swift’s sure-to-be-more-weirdly-named-than-you future spawn.
Here’s to you, Kaidence Donda. You go, Kaidence Donda.
Image via Associated Press