It’s 2018; cut the bullshit, ladies. Good sex is all about communication, and that means being open about what you enjoy AND what you don’t. You don’t pretend to orgasm, you don’t let him get away with not going down on you in return, and you definitely shouldn’t pretend to like any of the following (unless you actually like it; then you do you):
Him finishing on you
This should be self-explanatory, but for the love of God, if you aren’t into this, do not let him finish on your face. Especially if you took an hour to do your makeup.
Being called names
If I am being kind enough to let you touch me, don’t call me a slut or a whore. It doesn’t turn me on, it isn’t my idea of “talking dirty,” and exponentially increases the likelihood of me sleeping with your hot roommate instead.
Being spanked
Let me preface this (and really all of them) by saying that yeah, I’m sure there are some freaky girls who enjoy this. And I think it can be hot when it’s done the right way, but if you are smacking my ass so hard that I wake up with a purple bruise that now prevents me from taking any cute nudes, I will be angry.
Threesomes with other girls
Girls don’t like sharing, and if you say one more thing about my friend Madison being hot, I swear to God, I will murder you, Joey. But if your roommate wants to join, that’s another story.
Dick pics
I think at this point, men are learning that this is a no-go. Although, do men ever really learn? Consider this your daily reminder, guys. The next dick pic I receive will be posted to Snapchat with your full name #NoDickPics2018.
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