Kylie Jenner Just Released A Song And It’s Not Great

When you suffer a trauma, one way to cope with it is to share it with others. That’s why I’m making all of you listen to Kylie Jenner’s musical debut. I was first presented with this “song” with very low expectations. The only way this could logically make sense is if Tyga asked her to do him a favor and she thought “fuck it, I’m a Jenner. I can do what I want.” But what, I wondered, is the message that she has for the world? What positive vibes would she send to the world through the meticulous beauty of song?

Rapper Lil Yachty teamed up with producer Burberry Berry, decidedly the most ridiculous names in rap, called on the musical genius of Kylie and her best friends Jordan Woods and Justine Skye to create “Beautiful Day.” It opens with a sample of the Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood theme song that sounds akin to something you would hear in the trailer for a horror movie about a killer child. For the sake of good journalism, I listened to the entire song and not once did I understand more than three words in a row.

Around 2:40, in sounds like Jordyn and Kylie broke into the studio drunk. Kylie is “embarrassed” by the fact that she has never been on a song before, but then launches into her rendition of the chorus, drops a hard N-word, sings “We’re so sorry” a few times in a row, and then ends with another N-bomb before Lil Yachty takes it home.