Depending on where you live, Mardi Gras is either a blip on your binge drinking radar or a week-long celebration of boobs, beads, and bourbon. For those of you unfamiliar with the actual purpose of Mardi Gras, here’s a super abbreviated primer: Fat Tuesday is one last day of sinful debauchery before giving it up for Lent, which begins on Ash Wednesday. Since I’m not Catholic or in the habit of torturing myself, I find it a little sadistic that people are supposed to give up fatty, greasy foods the day after an epic booze fest–but that’s neither here nor there. I just want to provide some inspiration for the Lenten fast. Despite the fact I’m not Catholic, I always try (try being the operative word here) to give up something for Lent. It’s almost never successful, but that’s probably because I set the bar impossibly high–like I’m really going to give up wine until Easter. Every year, I think I’m up for the unnecessary challenge of depriving myself of my favorite things in life.
So, since I’ve tried (and failed) at many Lenten endeavors, and since spring break is upon us, I thought you might be in the mood to give some things up once you schlep your drunk ass back from whatever semi-white beach you’ve been throwing up on for a week.
I’m the kind of person who immediately craves whatever it is I’m trying to stay away from. I’ll assume you’re the same way. Instead of nixing wine, the elixir of the gods, completely, try giving it up six days out of seven. Sound easy? Try coming home from a two hour poli sci lecture and not immediately reaching for a cocktail. It will be plenty hard, I assure you.
And while we’re on the subject of vices, let’s talk shop. Shopping, actually. I have a bit of an online shopping problem, and when my inbox lights up with notifications from Gilt, Rue La La, Net-A-Porter, and Neiman Marcus, I don’t stand a chance. In the spirit of being a good non-Catholic this Lent, I’m going to get one of those handy dandy apps (PeeqPeeq looks good) which automatically filters out shopping emails and puts them into a separate folder. I’ll be mostly Gilt free in no time.
I know plenty of y’all don’t suffer from the same weaknesses of wine and shoes, so let me bring a it a little closer to home for you: no more late night. Oh yeah, shit just got real, didn’t it? No Taco Bell, Whataburger, Kerbey Lane, or Cafe Brazil. Try that on for size, you little sinner, you.
I know I’m cutting out a pretty difficult challenge here, but I’m not a monster. We’ll go ahead and say sorority Lent starts whenever you get back from spring break. You’re not fooling anyone–I know y’all aren’t saints.