Lessons From A Grand Big

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As the matriarch of my dysfunctional family, affectionately known as The Brat Pack, there are certain “lessons” I hope to pass down through my lineage. The newest additions are once or twice removed from me, so I had a tiny bit less of a say in the final decision. But, as she usually does, my little picked the most perfect baby. Along with an infinite supply of alcohol, boys, and rides to chapter, I feel it’s my place to offer some advice on their futures in this chapter. I’ve been there, they haven’t (yet).

First of all, your big is the BEST thing to happen to you since you got a bid. Direct all questions about chapter, meals, dues, or anything else to her, not me. I’m checked out essentially, so that’s not my forte. She’s your tour guide through all things official sorority business. However, if you find yourself needing to steal a composite or sneak out of a fraternity in the morning, call me. Wearing our letters is a privilege, not a right. Getting in trouble and going to standards will happen–you are in my family after all. Don’t panic. Just accept your punishment then go buy a bottle of wine. Consume it while you complain to your big and me.

Be careful. It’s fun going out and partying, but, like the grandmother I am now, it’s my job to toss you a warning. Don’t do anything stupid. You have a brain, so use it. Don’t abandon someone downtown who is hammered. Don’t follow a boy to his room if you don’t know him. Don’t do ANYTHING if it makes you uncomfortable. If you don’t feel safe, tell someone. I love you, and want you to be safe.

If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t let the infinite amounts of fun we have cloud your judgment. If you need to stay home and study, do it. If you want to leave the party, I’ll walk you home. This is probably the most important thing I can tell you. I’ve got your back, and so does your big.

Our family is important. When the time comes for you to pick your own little, you have A LOT riding on it. We picked you because you’re perfect, so continue to do the same.

These are the best years of your life, and they’re happening right now. I wish I could travel back in time and experience them again. Enjoy them. The people around you right now WILL be there holding your hand during all the important events in your life.

Put your heart and soul into something in the chapter: social chair, philanthropy chair, alumni relations, whatever. You won’t regret it. Giving back to the chapter that gave you so much is important, and you’ll look great all over the recruitment website.

Respect pin order. It’s unspoken and no one will be bitchy to you about it, but it exists. Listen to the older girls when they tell you to sit down and shut up during chapter. We might be on too much of a power trip, but we earned it. Your time will come, too, little one.

As far as boys go, good luck. Let me know if you figure them out, because your little and I still haven’t. When you’re disappointed, call me. I probably know his grand big. If not, I’ll hunt him and his entire lineage down.

Welcome to the family, you perfect, angelic baby.

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BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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