The internet loves to bombard us with weight loss tips and tricks. Eat only apples for 48 hours, do 20,000 squats in a week, use photosynthesis to create sugars for your body. But they are all hoaxes. Even popular diets like cutting out carbs aren’t good for you. You may lose weight, but you’ll gain it back as soon as you reintroduce carbs. And what is a life without any bread? It’s incredibly simple, but it requires dedication. Everything out there is just shortcuts to a method that has been tried and true after years and years of research. All you have to do is stay active, stay hydrated, and stay focused on destroying your enemies.
Sure, you could use little tricks to debloat the day before a date party, but that will only last until your first sip of bagged wine that he brought for you to pregame with. What you “lost” was mostly water weight anyway. To get long term results, you’ll have to put in the work. If you want to look hot for the entire duration of your ex-boyfriend’s new relationship and then some, you’re going to have to hit the gym more than once a week. Do a healthy mix of cardio and strength training, and make sure you never forget your true motivation. Pure domination. Besides your health, of course.
Speaking of health, nutrition is also an important aspect of any weight loss journey. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, eat carbs and fats in moderation, and feed off of the fury that lives inside of you. That bitch may have somehow convinced everyone that she is perfect, but you can see her for what she truly is. No one can understand why you don’t get along with her, but you can’t understand how you are the only one who knows she is a fire-breathing dragonbitch. The burning hate you have for her will fuel your muscles and keep you motivated through even the toughest workouts.
Whatever is on the inside of your body will reflect what is on the outside of your body. By drinking a sufficient amount of water, you will keep your inner organs functioning properly, and it will keep your skin happy and hydrated. With your body in tip top shape brimming with all the water it could desire, you are free to keep working on defeating that internet troll who called you a “6 on a good day.” He (we’re assuming it’s a he) has no idea what he is talking about, and to prove it to him, why not get even hotter than you already are? This has nothing to do with your need for validation from strangers and everything to do with eviscerating anyone who crosses you by means of a totally bangable revenge body.
The most important key to shed those last few stubborn pounds is to remember why you are doing it in the first place. The motivation has to come from within if you want to succeed. Deep down in the place where you hold what is most precious to you. Like the total ruination of all of your adversaries..
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Ali Hin
A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.
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