A big held her new baby and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
And while she held her, she sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
my little you’ll be.
The baby grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a full blown sister, and she ran all around the house. She pulled books off the shelves while she pretended to study. She pulled all the food out of the refrigerator in an effort to cure her drunk munchies, and she took her big’s cell phone and flushed it down the toilet–albeit accidentally–one night at the bar. Sometimes her big would say, “This little is driving me CRAZY!”
But at night, when the little was drunk and sleeping, she opened the door to her room, stumbled across the floor, and looked over the side of her bunk. If her little was really asleep, she screamed, “Scoot over, bitch!” and swayed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she swayed, eyes crossing, nearly passing out, she sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
my little you’ll be.
The little grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a full blown sophomore. And she always made the younger girls take her to the dining hall for free meal swipes, and she never wanted to take a shower without a boy, and when alumnae visited, she always said bad words. Sometimes her big wanted to sell her to the zoo!
But at night, when the little was drunk and sleeping, she opened the door to her room, stumbled across the floor, and looked over the side of her bunk. If her little was really asleep, she screamed, “Scoot over, bitch!” and swayed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she swayed, eyes crossing, nearly passing out, she sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
my little you’ll be.
The little grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a full blown junior. She had a lot of friends and she barely wore any clothes and she listened to Ke$ha and Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Sometimes the big felt like she was in the zoo!
But at night, when the little was drunk and sleeping, she opened the door to her room, stumbled across the floor, and looked over the side of her bunk. If her little was really asleep, she screamed, “Scoot over, bitch!” and swayed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she swayed, eyes crossing, nearly passing out, she sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
my little you’ll be.
That little grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a senior. Her big left home and got an apartment across town. But sometimes on dark, drunk nights, when the big couldn’t remember where she lived, she got into a cab and stayed on the wrong side of town. If all the lights in her little’s house were out, she threw her shoes against the window until someone answered.
And, so, while the little was drunk and sleeping, she opened the door to her room, stumbled across the floor, and looked over the side of her bunk. If her little really was really asleep, she screamed, “Scoot over, bitch!” and and swayed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she swayed, eyes crossing, nearly passing out, she sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
my little you’ll be.
Well, that big, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her little and said, “You’d better come see me because I think I might be growing up–and I’m scared.” So her little came to see her. When she came in the door, she tried to sing the song. She sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always…
But she couldn’t finish because she was just too sad. The little went to her big. She hugged her and rocked her vodka soda back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. She sang:
I’ll love you forever.
I’ll like you for always.
As long as I’m living,
my big sister you’ll be.
When the little came home that night, she stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then she stumbled into the room where her own very cute little was sleeping. She poked her and prodded her and sent a few funny Snapchats. Then, just as her own big had done before, she screamed, “Scoot over, bitch!” and swayed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she swayed, eyes crossing, nearly passing out, she sang:
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
my little you’ll be.
[via Robert Munsch]
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Catie Warren
From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
