It’s a classic story. You’re all gung ho about Greek life, and then the unexpected happens. You get dropped. I’ve been warning you about this. You’re going to get dropped. A lot. But you’re heartbroken nonetheless. And you’re probably feel something like this.
I’m writing you this morning in the hopes of getting some advice. I follow TSM regularly in the hopes of one day actually being able to relate to sorority life. However, that just changed. I received a call from my Pi Chi about 15 minutes ago saying that I had been cut from 3 sororities on sisterhood day. The one that kept me was full girls I couldn’t connect with, who I had to force conversation with and who honestly were…. Weird.
Deciding to withdraw was a no-brainer. I wasn’t going to force myself into something I knew I wouldn’t be happy about. But I can’t help but wonder why me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not pretty enough? I did my best to make connections on philanthropy day and show that my top sorority’s house had a philanthropy that meant something to me, but I guess even that couldn’t save me.
I’m a heartbroken Texan who never thought she would feel this way about Greek life, and now I don’t know what to do. Help.
First of all, let me stop you right where you started: “The one that kept me was full of girls I couldn’t connect with, who I had to force conversation with, and who honestly were…. Weird.” Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I’ll read between the lines here for you: they were bottom tier, and you think you’re too good for them.
I’m going to be honest with you, this pisses me off. These are the women that accepted you when every other organization did not. You say you feel heartbroken from rejection all the while you’re rejecting and insulting a group of girls who wanted you, and it’s not nice. You are lying to me, to yourself, and to anyone who asks and saying that it was “the conversation” that kept you from continuing on to Bid Day. Wake up. None of your conversations were all that great during the whole recruitment process. Not in the top houses. Not in the bottom houses. You might have been lucky enough to find a “rush crush” with whom you magically spun the conversation in such a way that you completely forgot that it was recruitment, but that generally only happens once, if at all. For the most part, you talked for five minutes about a philanthropy event you’ve likely never heard of, and mentioned that you both danced in high school.
You did not go into recruitment with an open mind. You went into it thinking “I don’t care where I end up, as long as it’s a good sorority.”
Let me let you in on a little secret from “the other side,” and I don’t mean the other side of sorority life. I mean the other side of the graduation stage: I love my sorority with all my heart. My sisters are my best friends to this day. But if my sorority had dropped me, I could have found the same bond somewhere else. Because in any group of 100+ women, you can find seven that you’ll become close with, and 18 that you really like.
It really doesn’t matter which sorority you end up in, because every sorority is exactly the same. To those of you saying “We’re not all the same! We need to combat sorority stereotypes!” – shut the fuck up. You are all the same. You might look different, and you might mix with different fraternities, and you might have different GPAs. Some might win more competitions than others, and some might raise more money. But if you’re truly joining a sorority for sisterhood, no group is different from another.
You’re a group of girls who ultimately came here to make friends. You hang out with each other. You drink with each other. You get ready for events with each other. You laugh with each other. You have lunch with each other. You form inside jokes with each other. You borrow each other’s clothes. You share secrets. You cry with each other. You support each other. You love each other. And you call each other “sister.” You found your best friends within each other. And the rest doesn’t fucking matter.
When I look back on my college days, I don’t remember who won Greek Week, I remember the practices with my friends when we laughed together about how ridiculous we looked. I don’t remember which fraternity we were mixing with at my Tight and Bright mixer, I remember that I had a dance battle to “Bye Bye Bye” against my big. And I don’t remember where my last formal was, but I remember the last dance, when all 40 seniors stood in the middle of the dance floor, without our dates, and swayed, and cried, and hugged, because we knew it was the end of the most incredible four years we’d ever have in our lives, and we were going to have to say goodbye to it and to each other. In that moment, there was no philanthropy, there were no tiers, there was no recruitment numbers, there was no “sorority reputation,” there was only true love between a group of girls who created a family for themselves.
So why did the sororities drop you? Did you do something wrong? Are you not pretty enough? I don’t know. I asked myself the same questions when I got dropped. As does every girl who ever gets dropped by any sorority. The fact of the matter is you’ll never know. But looking back, I can tell you with honesty, that I don’t care.
As for anyone reading this in a similar situation, I urge you to just go through with the rest of recruitment. It’s such a freshman state of mind to think you can’t associate with “the bottom tier,” because high school teaches you that that shit matters more than it does. Almost every senior will tell you that as freshman, they wouldn’t have accepted a bottom tier bid, but as seniors, they think that’s the wrong attitude.
For now, my advice? You will live, obviously. You can find similar bonds through other clubs on campus. Sororities aren’t the only ways to make friends. You might get close to the people in your dorms. Or maybe you’ll decide to try to go out for informal recruitment in the spring. You could even consider formal recruitment again next year. My college roommate dropped out of recruitment freshman year, and it was weird for her during Greek week when she had all Greek friends, but she still had tons of fun. I know tons of non-Greeks and they still had awesome college experiences. It’s not the end of the world. My sorority experience was just so wonderful that I want everyone to give it the best chance..