Mailbag: Why Are Girls Such Bitches?


Hey Rachel,

My freshman year I started dating a guy I thought was innocent enough. What I didn’t know was how much his ex still loved him. She stalked me on all forms of social media, continuously texted him throughout our relationship (a fun fact I found out post-breakup), and most importantly made damn sure I knew of her role in this guy’s life. As expected, said guy broke up with me (in a very asshole-y way) and then proceeded to run back to her.

I knew I had two ways to handle this:
Be a bitch or
Be a good person.

I choose to take the high road. I moved on and didn’t look back. But now this girl, this ever-lingering presence throughout my previous relationship has not left. The icing on the cake? She is a member of the my sorority, just at a different school. But because life is a bitch, and apparently I had some karma coming to me, she has been attempting to transfer to my school. This means that she is also attempting to join my chapter. Sisterhood anyone? But wait, it gets better. As I said before, I have moved on. But she has felt the need to inform my new guy all about me and how awful of a person I am. Do I think I’m perfect? Of course not. But do I really deserve this?

So here comes my question: Why are girls such bitches towards each other? Why can’t it be enough for her to “win” and have this guy she is so in love with? And most importantly, what the hell do I do because I know that I cannot allow my home, and my sisters, to be tainted by this negativity. And most of all, I cannot lose another relationship to her meddling.

Why Are Girls Such Bitches?

Dear Bitches,
First of all, I want to say what I’m pretty sure we’re alllllll thinking:

What. a. cunt.

I know. Harsh wording. But still, she is. That being said, there are a few things we need to evaluate about this situation. First, what’s your position in it? I know I know. “She’s a mean girl who stole my boyfriend and now she’s making my life hell and I didn’t do anything wrong blah blah blah.” And I get it. But before moving forward, I need to know, were you the mean girl first? Because the thing is, maybe she’s just crazy. Or, more likely, maybe she has some motive. I’m not saying it’s okay, but it would explain a lot. Was she still dating this guy when you two started hooking up. Was he playing both of you? Did she have reason to think that you were a shitty person? If so, that’s why she’s being a bitch. Because, well, she thinks you were a bitch first.

Life Advice One: Don’t play the victim. You might not be as innocent as you think you are.

If, however, you have a sparkly clean record, I must then go to point number two: Most of us have been bitches at one time or another. If I am ever in the room with high school-me I’ll most likely punch her in the face for being such a little shit. I was manipulative. I was conniving. I would dig to get dirt, I would be mean to girls who I hated, and I would thrive off of the drama.

I have sent many, many “so you’re dating this person? Cool. Congrats. Here’s all of the shitty things he did to me in the past because I care” emails in my day. They were perfectly crafted, totally cuntly, and usually made whatever poor girl was interested in my ex run far, far away.

I did it because I still loved him. And I did it because I was hurt.

So now, this girl wants to make your life hell, because for some reason, in her mind you made her life hell, too. Chances are, she’s scared of you. The guy she’s in love with loved you at one point. It’s the same reason we stalk exes and are strangely fascinated with new girlfriends. We need to know what she has. And a small, tiny part of us wants to believe that we’re still the best. That no matter what, he still loves us best. It’s crazy and it’s fucked up, but in a lot of cases, it’s the truth. And maybe she’s confused and lonely and really, really hurt. Maybe there’s more to her than you think.

Life Advice Two: Put yourself in the other person’s position.

And if I’m being more honest, most of us are bitches to someone. Maybe we have a good reason, maybe we don’t. But not everyone will like us. Hell, not everyone won’t hate us. The older we get, the more decisions we have to make, and the more people we piss off. Someone out there probably thinks you’re the worst person in the world. Are you? Not necessarily. But that won’t stop them from thinking it.

Life Advice Three: You can’t make everyone love you.

Still, having a girl who apparently wants to ruin you is hell. So here is the best advice I can give when all else fails:
• Talk to her. And I mean really, really talk. Sit down and see who she is. Be the bigger person. Maybe you can work it out.
• Talk to your chapter. You’re currently a sister at your school. She isn’t. You should have priority.
• Talk to your boyfriend. Explain everything. Don’t hide things.
• Generally be a good person. Let her take her jabs and walk away knowing you’re better than that. And have a reason to believe it.
• And finally, stop giving a shit.

There are always going to be people you hate and visa versa (unless of course you’re a genuinely good person, but most of us aren’t). Brush it off, keep going, and let her try to do her worst. Eventually she’ll get bored, or eventually you’ll stop caring. Your friends will stand by your side and everyone else can go to hell. Just remember: bitchiness is in the eye of the hater.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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