January isn’t even over, but I’m pretty sure we’ve already found 2014’s dumbest criminal. Anthony James Lescowitz spent his day the way most unemployed thirty-five year old deadbeats do: browsing Facebook, when he came across his local police station’s page and found that the Freeland, PA police department had posted Lescowitz’s wanted poster on their wall. He had been on the lam for about two months, thanks to a warrant out for his arrest for aggravated assault charge. Instead of being like, “Well, shit, I’m in quite a pickle here,” Lescowitz decided to instead have a laugh and broadcast his current predicament with all of his Facebook friends. He shared his OWN WANTED POSTER, tagged with a caption that read, “lol, i fucking love it, ASSHOLE.”
Who are ya talking to there, bud? Are you labeling the whole department an asshole, or are you just mad at yourself for assaulting and robbing a civilian? What I don’t understand is what the hell was going through his head when he shared a wanted notice WITH HIS OWN FACE ON IT. Granted, it’s possible that I’m more educated than most when it comes to evading arrest, because I’m pretty sure I’ve watched enough Law and Order: SVU to know how to murder several dozen people and successfully hide the bodies without getting caught. Nevertheless, it has to be common sense to lay low when there’s a warrant out for your arrest. The true crime here, I think, is that poor Anthony only got one like on his post. One like. The man went to jail for one fucking like.
The police noticed Lescowitz shared their post minutes later. I imagine they were at first just dumbfounded by his sheer stupidity, and then pissed off because he mocked them in his post. An undercover officer used a fake Facebook profile of some good looking woman to catfish the shit out of Lescowitz, and after FB chatting it up for about an hour, he agreed to meet the woman at a local bar. They didn’t release the Facebook conversation to the public, but I imagine that this is basically how it went:
Cop: Hey baby, I’m Natasha. Ur hawt wanna meet for a drink?
Lescowitz: lol yeah bitch lets do it
Cop: meet you in an hour xoxoxox
Upon pulling into the specified location (probably an Applebee’s), officers arrested him. They went on to repost his wanted poster just two hours after posting it the first time, with the caption “CAPTURED! SHARES OUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK ABOUT HIMSELF. CAPTURED 45 MINUTES LATER.” I like to imagine that all of the officers had a nice laugh, and ended the day at some local dive drinking some sort of classic American beer and congratulating themselves for a catfish scenario so beautiful, we can only hope MTV was there to capture it. Technology sure is cool, kids.