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Man Can’t Get Business Meeting With Female Journalist; Sends Her Raw Oysters And Vibrator

Vibrator

Meet Kristen V. Brown: San Francisco resident, Chronicle journalist, and newest recipient of her very own vibrator. Normally, coming into possession of a vibrator isn’t news. In fact, it would probably be more interesting if Brown didn’t have a little love machine in her bedside drawer, because fuck manual labor–amirite, ladies? But we’re here to discuss how Brown acquired her newest toy, not the fact that she did.

It was just an average day at work, where she was dodging emails, cruising the ‘net, and pretending to be productive in her final 40-minute countdown to 5 o’clock. Then, the founder of a startup company showed up in the Chronicle’s lobby with a gift basket for her. He said Brown had been ignoring his emails, so he decided to show up with something that would get him noticed. As anyone who’s ever been ignored after repeatedly contacting someone knows, the best thing to do at that point is not let it go, but show up uninvited. With presents! Of a sexual nature?

Her gift basket included raw oysters, KY Jelly, tequila, and a vibrator–the most ridiculous item, of course, being the oysters, because that’s not picnic food and they do not belong in a basket of any kind. “I wondered whether the point of the gift had more to do with my gender than his company. It seemed as though Blake Francis, the founder, was addressing me as a woman, but not a journalist,” wrote Brown. Well, I’m going to have to say you’re probably right about that one, Kristen. If you were a man, you would have had a Fleshlight delivered to you at work, like my cohorts did some months ago. Maybe some condoms. Perhaps an old tube sock if he was really old-school.

Brown was, unsurprisingly, deeply (NO PUN INTENDED) offended by the gifts–assumedly because she has a working vibrator at home, and her boyfriend is already jealous of it. Kidding, it’s totally misogynistic and unprofessional. I mean, if I got it, I wouldn’t send it back or anything, but it’s misogynistic and unprofessional nonetheless.

Wise up, Blake Francis. And get a more masculine name.

[via SF Gate]

Image via BI

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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