Man Sues Hospital For Shrinking His Penis

Shrunken Penis

As a lover of Freud, I firmly believe that pretty much every ideal in our entire society is based on the relationship men have with their penises. Slut shaming exists because guys freak out when they think you’ve seen a bigger ding dong than theirs. The ability to mount someone has been a sign of power since the dawn of time. What’s in their pants is like a little secret they keep from the world, and if you insult it, they will NEVER recover. Petty competitions between men are called dick measuring contests for Pete’s sake. Penis makes the world go ‘round, unfortunately, and a ton of a man’s self-worth is based upon what he’s got going on downstairs.

Just ask this paraplegic Canadian man who is in the middle of suing a Montreal hospital. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous BECAUSE NOBODY CAN KNOW ABOUT HIS BROKEN PENIS, suffered a sex injury while he was making whoopy with his wife. After he didn’t receive a proper inspection from the nurse, he was misdiagnosed as having minor trauma. In reality, he had fractured his penis.

I can’t imagine anything worse than breaking a man’s penis. Like. It really takes a vulva of steel to crack one of those bad boys in half. (Ew. I just said vulva.) It can’t feel pleasant, and he’s probably not going to be too keen on watching TLC with you after you’ve dismantled his member.

The man did eventually have surgery. The operation left some permanent scarring and reduced the overall size of his penis by about an inch, to which he said, “This has caused a greater impact on my life than when I lost the use of my legs.” One inch off his penis is worse to him than not being able to use his legs. Permanently. He literally said that. And men say we’re the crazy ones. ONE. INCH. If we get an inch cut off of our hair, you wouldn’t even notice. I mean, sure, he also couldn’t have sex for two years and his wife left him for it, but get a grip, dude. There are worse things. I mean, some people don’t have a penis at all.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Love Dakota

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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