Missouri Couple Turns Wedding Into Terrible Disney-Themed Party

I know it might be too early in the year to call it, but I’m willing to bet the worst, tackiest wedding of 2013 just took place. The wedding was Disney-themed. I’m not kidding. Disney.

The bride, 26-year-old Jamie Chandler, is so obsessed with Disney that she dressed up as Ariel on her wedding day. With her hair dyed the most horrendous shade of fire-engine red, she said, “I do” to her husband, Christopher Chandler, who wore an outfit designed to replicate Prince Eric’s wedding day wear from the Disney animated movie The Little Mermaid.

To make matters worse, Jamie’s bridesmaids were required to dress up as the different Disney princess. Naturally, the flower girl was dressed as Tinkerbell. The groomsmen each dressed up as a corresponding Disney villain, and the bridal party walked down the aisle to the instrumental version of “Under the Sea.”

Aside from her hideous hair color, Jamie actually didn’t look too terrible for the most important day of her life. Her gown was a Maggie Sottero modified mermaid (duh), and it probably could have been pretty if she hadn’t decided to complete her look with a hairpiece made of fake seaweed and seashells. Each table at the reception was named by Disney movie title, rather than number. That’s right, the couple did their seating arrangements based on whether their guests would be sitting at the “Mulan” or the “Sleeping Beauty” table. Of course, they had Mickey and Minnie cake toppers.

Unsurprisingly, Christopher proposed at Disney World with the fireworks as a back drop, and the couple decided to honeymoon in, you guessed it, Disney World.

Jamie, who evidently has not matured a day since her sixth birthday, told Elise Sole there was “something about Disney that makes me feel happy and safe.” She has that in common with every child in America.

Look, I love Disney as much as the next girl, I really do. I think I spent my entire childhood dressed as Belle. I even opted for a slutty Snow White on Halloween a few years ago. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t absolutely thrilled when Disney movies came to Netflix, allowing me to spend my hangovers watching animated musical after animated musical on my couch. I just don’t think a WEDDING, which is, undoubtedly, the most important party any girl will ever throw, is the appropriate place to go overboard with a theme, particularly that one.

Am I too old school for thinking the theme of a wedding is, um effing duh, a wedding? Is there really a reason to go so over the top with a theme that you wind up throwing an event that could easily compete with any themed party you attended in college? This wedding could have easily been added into the rotation of any sorority’s social calendar: “Wednesday night, Anything But Clothes party with Beta, Thursday, Golf Pros & Tennis Hos with Pi Kapp, Friday, Disney Wedding with Delta Tau Delta, Saturday, Jungle Fever with Phi Psi.”

I’d also just like to point out that she combed her hair with a fork, oh, I mean a “dinglehopper” before saying her vows.

I wasn’t aware it was legal for people with the mental capacity of a kindergartner to get married, but I guess it’s 2013, and a lot of weird shit is going on in the world. Best wishes to the newlywed couple of weirdos.