When my first serious boyfriend broke up with me, I was blindsided. Sure, I’d seen it coming in the dark, quiet place of my heart when I let my guard down. But I figured we’d have a fight or a heated discussion and it would explode or just fizzle out. What I didn’t see coming, however, was a sudden breakup with almost no explanation and a refusal to open anything for discussion. I was crushed. He had just met my parents and I thought things were moving forward. But then he started getting distant and wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him or what I could do when I asked him. I thought maybe the pressure of meeting my family got to him or we were moving too fast. But then? We spilt and I was left more confused, and hurt, than ever.
While I’d had some doubts about his sexuality for some time, I was very careful not to vocalize them. It seemed wrong to make him think about something he obviously wasn’t comfortable with, and I didn’t want to push. I had been complaining for awhile that it felt like he would blow me off and avoid seeing me so that he could go spend hours with his best friend’s boyfriend. Every. Single. Day. That had seemed suspicious, but I chalked it up to feeling insecure and making up situations to justify his weird behavior. It seemed way too insane to ever happen in real life. Things were just weird. We were just in a lull. We loved each other.
Boy, was I wrong.
After we broke up, his new boyfriend immediately started posting pictures of the two of them and of massive hickeys on my ex’s neck. I was shocked. Not only because he was dating a guy or because of the quick jump into a new relationship — but because of the radio silence. I tried to get him to talk to me so I could understand what happened but my texts went unanswered and my calls were silenced. Finally, after weeks of trying, I cornered him. With fear and resentment in my heart, I sat him down to get the truth.
I already knew the answer to what I was going to ask him, but I needed to hear it from him. I needed to be able to let go and move on. I asked him if he was involved with his new boyfriend while we were together. It wasn’t so much his sexuality. And it wasn’t so much that we broke up. But it was the fact that he was cheating. That I was left with no explanation. That I felt like our time together meant nothing to him, that our time together was a lie. And okay, it was a little bit about the sexuality thing — so I had to know. And his answer? No. He didn’t cheat.
At this point, I was fully aware of what had actually happened. My ex had made up his mind well in advance and had discussed breaking up with me with everyone. He even told his best friend (you know, that one who was dating the guy my boyfriend cheated on me with), in hopes of salvaging his friendship and his promised bid to join his fraternity. He told everyone, asked everyone, and did everything — all while behind my back. And despite losing his best friend (because you can’t stay friends when someone steals your boyfriend), despite losing me, and despite losing the support of his fraternity for betraying his brother, he’s still with his new boyfriend.
The worst part of it all? The fact that the person I loved for so long, could leave me, betray me, then lie to my face.
I thought that there was no possible way that this kind of thing could ever happen in real life. Even in the movies situations are never this messed up. But at the end of it all, life is pretty fucking messed up. Sometimes the people you love turn out to be someone you didn’t know. And sometimes despite being good, things go to shit. But the best thing you can do it move on, keep going, and not blame yourself. College is a time for exploration, but the fewer bridges you burn, the better. And just know that the next time you have your suspicions, you may not be as much of a crazy, insecure girlfriend as you think..
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Just another hot mess trying to make it look like I've got my shit together.
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