Recently, my chapter got into some shit when we hosted 4 parties in 3 days at our main house (not my idea, but it was legendary) so this past semester we were assigned a “house mother” to our residence — a rarity at a school like ours. We’ll call her Sheila. She was in her early 40s, obviously an alum, and poor Sheila constantly had a stick up her ass. Needless to say, we avoided hanging at the house unless we actually had no other options (a rare occurrence).
A typical conversation with said house mother would go something like this:
Me: “Morning, Sheila”
Sheila: “When do you have class?”
Me: “Not until 1:20, why?
Sheila: “Someone left a ton of shit in the kitchen. Since you have nothing to do, why don’t you clean it up?”
Me: “Um, I was actually about to go for a run. Sorry.”
Sheila: *shuffles out of room*
You get it.
Another unfortunate detail about good ole Sheila is that her husband is an absolute douchebag. For the most part, sisters never have to meet the husband of the House Mother, because what the hell would he be doing there anyway? So one night, he comes over to bring her dinner or some shit, and a couple girls and I were studying in our living room. I got up to go grab a glass of water (wine) and head into the kitchen. God knows where Sheila was at the moment, but her husband was sitting at our counter. After six seconds of awkward staring, I decided to make conversation.
Me: “So what do you think of the house?”
Him: “Pretty nice. Bigger than I thought.”
Me: “Yeah, we love it.”
*23-second pause* (here’s where it gets weird)
Him: “Now that Sheila’s the House Mother, do I get to be House Father?”
Me: *chuckles, not hiding how uncomfortable I am*
Him: “If so… you’ll have to call me ‘daddy,’ but not around anyone else, okay?”
Me: *mentally vomits profusely while speeding out of the kitchen*
I found out later that there were many comments like that that to other girls in the house. I never told Sheila, not because I felt like I did anything wrong but more so because she was Satan and I wanted her to suffer with that asshole. However, one of the other sisters did tell Sheila and now our poor house mother has been removed. Can’t say any of us complained.
We’ll miss you, daddy..
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