If you haven’t heard, there’s a new app called Yo, which exists to communicate one word and one word only: yo. Forget Snapchat, texting, calling, or writing a damn card to someone–the next generation will simply communicate by saying “yo.” How can people communicate clearly by saying a single, one syllable word, you ask? Well, according to the creator, it’s all about context. (Warning: this is actually not a joke.)
Want to say, “good morning”? — Yo.
Want to say “baby, I’m thinking about you”? — Yo.
“I’ve finished my meeting, come by my office.” — Yo.
“You up?” — Yo.
If you thought texting was already vague, this app presents a whole new level of confusion. It’s 2 a.m. and Brandon Yos you. What does it mean? Is it a booty call? Is he just drunk and annoyingly Yo-ing people for shits and gigs? Should you Yo him back, or will that make you seem too vulnerable?
I mean, I understand the fun of shortening words to cutesy abbreviations and that new technology is opening up new realms of communication, but Yo takes it too far. Is modern language really going to degenerate to the point of strictly saying one syllable words? Are we really at that point in the future where we communicate telepathically? Apparently the creator of this app thinks so. Soon, we won’t even need to receive an actual booty call. We’ll just be lying in bed when Yo pops up on our phones: “Oh, he wants me. How romantic!” Barf.
Additionally, the design of the app is so simple that it literally took only eight hours to code. You would think such a successful, new app would have a really cool icon, but it doesn’t. It’s seriously just a purple square and it doesn’t even have Yo on it! When you open the app, it will simply have a list of your friends. Just tap the names to send them Yos. When you receive a Yo, the alert is a squealy, high-pitched “yo.” That’s it. That’s the entire app. Now, guess how much it’s already worth–yeah, a million dollars. I think I need to start learning how to make apps. I could seriously make a fortune with a “Bless Your Heart” app. Am I right?
Your boyfriend cancels dinner with you. — Bless your heart!
That girl from your rival sorority makes out with your crush. — Bless your heart!
A frenemy tells you your dress looked so much better last season. — Bless your heart!
The only somewhat relevant thing this app will eventually do is become a notification service. Currently, you can Yo the username “worldcup” to receive a Yo whenever a goal is scored. Okay, but I’m not a boy, so why should I care? Well, the creator wants to eventually allow bloggers, retailers, and other businesspeople to send Yos when they have new posts on their sites or new clothing in stock. I mean, this sounds cool, but I already get emails to alert me of these things. The only useful thing for me is annoying the shit out of my friends by sending them infinite amounts of Yos.
I’m going to make an offer to all you readers. If you get the app and Yo the username “premeddonna” I’ll send you a Yo every time I have a new TSM article up, when I want to booty call you, or just when I feel like flat out annoying you–because, you know, context will totally tell you exactly what I’m talking about.