It was 3 a.m., and I was at my very first fraternity party. My best friend’s date to semiformal was was supplying us with more alcohol than I had ever ingested in my entire life, and it was showing. I had already declared every brother of the fraternity my best friend, so I figured it was time to get to bed.
In what was to become the literal dumbest move of my life, I texted my friend to make sure she was okay.
Me: Ohmygod I’m so drumk. I thing I lost my panties at semiformal, but I’m hot sure how. Also, I’m like fifty percent sad that I went home, because I’m 100 percent sure Dave has a huge wiener. Are you home?
Monica: Just what the HELL do you think you’re doing up there?!
What? Up where? I think I’m going to bed and texting my best friend about my missing panties. Jesus, Monica. Who are you, my fucking mother? And then, a dark cloud slowly engulfed me — I breathed it into my lungs and it sunk deep down to the pit of my stomach. I didn’t text Monica. I texted Mom. This was the end. This is how I’d die.
My phone started ringing. It was my mom. Maybe she’s like an angry bear, and if I ignore her she’ll go away. My phone rang again. And again. She called me SEVEN more times before I picked up, at which time she promised me that she and my father would not be sending me any more money if I was going to spend it on “alcohol and debauchery.” She threatened to call the school, and the cops, though I knew she never would, but the sheer embarrassment from this moment was enough punishment to last me a lifetime.
Drunk texting is the worst. At the time, it feels like it’s just that little ounce and a half of liquid courage that gives you the lady balls to tell the hot guy from your history lecture that you think he’s cute, but come morning, you realize you’ve told him you love him and that you don’t even need a relationship, you just want to sleep with him. It’s just a risk you have to take when you drink…until now.
Ladies, our prayers have finally been answered: there’s an app in development that will allow you to RECALL your text messages. The “On Second Thought” app allows you to text through its interface, and has an option for you to take back your text before it ever reaches another person’s phone. So you sent a way-too-bitchy message to your best friend? You realized that your face is showing in those nudes you just sent to that less than trustworthy guy? (Amateur.) You drunk texted your parents about some guy’s penis? No problem. A hit of a button and your message is safely back in your phone, where it belongs.
On top of that, the app comes with a “curfew” feature, which will hold all of your messages until the curfew expires, and then gives you the chance to decide if you actually need to send them. In some bizarre twist of fate, the app released its beta version for Android devices, so for the first time in history, we can say “I can’t wait until they make it for iPhone.” In any case, get excited, because this is a game-changer..
[via On Second Thought]
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