Football is back, ladies, and that’s a cause for celebration. Now, you may ask yourself, “Why, Stefon? Why should we care about football?” The return of the greatest and most American sport on Earth isn’t enough of a reason for you? A sport where muscular, sweaty men throw themselves into each other isn’t something to get excited about? I canNOT be the only person who finds that appealing. I understand that you’re not too keen on the idea of losing the attention of your men on Saturdays, Sundays, Monday nights, and Thursday nights, but the gridiron isn’t just for guys anymore. Here are a few reasons why you ladies should get pumped for the pigskin.
It’s An Excuse For A Lazy Sunday
Did you go too hard in the paint Saturday night? Hungover as hell? Just can’t find the motivation to get out of bed or leave the apartment? Well, neither does your boo/slampiece. There is football on practically ALL DAY, so he won’t want to go ANYWHERE. This is a great thing for you. All you have to do is sit there and watch with him. Not a fan of football? Not a problem. Just get on your computer or phone while he watches and pretend to care. He may be so impressed that you’ll get “taken care of” between games.
The Opportunity For Cute Or Sexy Outfits
There’s really nothing that draws your man’s attention away from the game faster than throwing on one of his jerseys…and nothing else. Touchdown, sexytime. Of course, if you have people over to watch the game or you’re at a bar or some other person’s house, that’s not appropriate–unless you’re into that sort of thing. So that’s when you color coordinate like there’s no tomorrow: Norts, high socks, shirt, hair bands, face paint, the whole nine yards. Look, I made a football funny!
Excuse To Make (And Eat) Awesome Snacks
Football Sunday is literally one of the days where you can eat whatever the fuck you want and not care about calories because that’s what God and Peyton Manning intended. Nachos? Duh. Buffalo Wings? Cliché, but too delicious to care. Steak? Chicken? Pigs in blankets? Pizza rolls? All in my mouth, now. Plus, for those of us who love to cook, it’s the best way to impress your man’s friends. When he has the boys over for football, make a slew of great snacks, like buffalo chicken dip, guac, fried mac and cheese balls, homemade chicken fingers, or really anything. It’ll be enough to make them say, “Wow, your girlfriend is much cooler than ours.” Nailed it.
Because We Just Love Football, Dammit!
I understand that many ladies find football boring, so the stigma extends to the entirety of the gender. But frankly, football is fun, amazing, and some of the biggest and most die-hard fans of the sport I know are ladies. It’s been a long, cold, lonely summer for sports fans. Baseball is too boring, hockey isn’t as much fun without Tara Lipinski and Johnny Wier judging everyone’s outfits, and once everyone figured out where LeBron was going, basketball ended until November. But now we’re mere weeks away from seeing pigskins fly, bone-crushing tackles, and Johnny Football in Cleveland with his panty-dropping swagger. Football is the epitome of everything that’s beautiful and good about America, the single greatest nation on the face of the planet. How can you say no to that?
Thank you, God bless America, and go Jaguars.