Newsflash: Guys Want You To Be Independent, Not A Doormat

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A couple weeks ago, I was watching a debate on a major cable news network. The pundit running things eventually made an offhand comment about this country’s problems getting worse after women started working, and how they became more independent in the ’60s and ’70s. I love dinner when I get home and sandwiches after sex as much as the next guy, but I think I speak for a lot of guys when I say I vehemently disagree with the anchor’s point. Girls becoming much more independent has been a great advancement for women in America, and a great improvement in relationships and life in general for all of us guys.

Ambition Is Sexy

It’s pretty much in every red-blooded American alpha male’s blood to want to rule the world. I imagine we all want that one day, but maybe not every kid’s first words were “presidency” and “democratize”–I could just be weird that way. In any case, every guy is looking for a girl, and it is 100 percent sexier when that girl is more “House Of Cards” season two Claire Underwood and less “Mad Men” season one Betty Draper. Ambition means a girl has goals and plans, which almost by necessity ensures a girl is interesting and fun to be around. I have dated girls without a lot of ambition or interests, and they aren’t exactly a blast to have a conversation with. I can only talk about how cute her new puppy is for so long before I want someone to punch me in the face.

Relationship Harmony

There are sort of two modes to a relationship: democratic partnership and domestic dictatorship. The former leads to a fairly harmonious back and forth with input from both invested parties and a lot of actual communication. The latter is a dude telling his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife what’s going to happen in every situation. While the dictatorship model was pretty much used for all of human history up to the 1940s, it’s also terrible. Ladies, you know guys don’t always make the best decisions. Fuck, I’ll even say we’re wrong fairly often, but don’t quote me on that shit–they’ll revoke my man card. This is what happens when you try to operate your brain and your penis with the same blood supply. Something gets lost in translation. If the girl in your life is independent, she’ll talk you out of your terrible decisions so you don’t look like an idiot. Trying to be the ultimate decider doesn’t work out well for anyone, as George W. might tell you. You need good counsel to make good decisions, and that almost always comes from working together with someone else.

They say behind every great man is a strong woman, and I think that’s a fairly true statement. I am almost certain that there will come a time when I will need whatever poor woman who’s brave enough to eventually marry me to tell me if I am actually capable of leaving the house for work in the morning–it’s a small miracle that I’m able to get myself together and out the door in the morning.

Future Kids Will Thank You

I don’t like to think about having kids. The thought that one day I’ll have children running around with half my DNA is something more terrifying than any horror movie could ever create. That said, my eventual kids will have a mom who is intelligent, ambitious, and independent. Parents who are both driven to succeed have kids who are more often than not raised to be the same. Staying home with the kids is cool and all, but today, that means you can’t have a career if you’re a stay at home mom. Women who go out and have careers are generally awesome moms, if my mom was any indication. She managed to work, get my sisters and me to our, like, 20 different activities, and still help us with our homework. My mom is the sole reason I write as well as I do, and she managed it all with a crazy career working for the government. I think I turned out alright, except for maybe the “being a comedy writer” part. The jury is still out on that one.

Independence and ambition are two qualities every guy should look for in a girl. Sure, she may not sprint to the kitchen when you tell her you’re hungry, and there’s a good chance she’ll get home from work later than you do, but the benefits really outweigh trying to live your life like it’s still 1954. For all the girls reading this, be that girl–the girl who’s ambitious enough to dream big and do her own thing. You don’t need to be a Wall Street executive or rule the world, but having a solid career and the ability to bring home the bacon on your own is about as American as it gets, and it’s one of the many reasons we’re still an example for the rest of the world. Our women are capable of kicking just as much ass as our men.

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Primarily a TFM and PGP guy. I do science for a living, but being funny on the internet is my passion. Sometimes I write for TSM to help further cement the core arguments for why I'm not boyfriend material. Snapchat: Jqwhiskeyginger

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