Not Enough Guys Hit On Me At The Gym So I’m Not Going Anymore


Not to brag, but I’ve been going to the gym a lot lately. Well, a lot more than usual. Which was never. Anywhoozle, that’s not important. What is important is that I’ve decided to lead a healthier life, starting with a half hour of the elliptical followed by a few crunches every couple of days. But since it’s been a few months, my motivation is rapidly dwindling. I need some sort of extrinsic motivation to keep me going back, because it’s getting quit boring. I need more guys to hit on me at the gym.

Most people would take the opposite standpoint. They want to be left alone at the gym. They want to get in, get their workout done, and get TF out of there. I totally value and respect that opinion. In fact, I used to feel like that too. But that was back when I was working out for myself. I’m very happy with my body. I like it just the way that it is. But apparently, the male population does not agree with me, so I have to put in a little bit of work to scam one of them into loving me unconditionally for all of eternity. The power of makeup has my face under control, but since contouring abs everyday would get exhausting and expensive, I guess doing it the old fashioned way is the way to go.

While I bounce along on my elliptical, my favorite thing to do is people watch. Or, more accurately, dick hunt. I eyeball the guys checking themselves out in the mirror and wonder what it would be like if they were pumping something else instead of iron. I do my best to go unnoticed, but if I do make eye contact, it’s not the worst thing in the world. I didn’t wear these spandex shorts for aerodynamics. I’m on a fucking elliptical. I wore them because my ass looks great in them. I *want* guys to look at me. I still have my hair pulled back and very minimal makeup on, but I didn’t throw on just any old outfit. If a guy catches me looking at him, that just means he’s looking at me too.

The time that a little flirt-centive is most needed is when it comes to the non-cardio stuff. Whether it’s planks and pushups, or a brave venture to the machines and free weights, I need to know that all eyes are on me. I need other people to hold me accountable. Otherwise, my form will lack severely. I couldn’t work out without my track coaches around in high school, and I can’t work out with hot guys around me now. If a guy comes over and tries to mansplain the exercise to me, I’ll spit straight in his mouth. But just a little smirk that tells me I’m doing a good job will go a long way.

I’m all about instant gratification. I want to do 3 crunches and have abs. I want to do 2 pushups and have lady guns. I want to do 1 squat and get confused for a Instagram fitness model. But since life doesn’t work like that, I’ll settle for getting hit on at the gym. It tells me that it’s working.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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