It’s not surprising that the Olympic athletes are all banging each other in their free time. If you congregate that many hard bodies in one shitty city, there’s bound to be some romping going on. I’d kill for a chance to wander into Rio on the off chance that someone would believe I was a part of a team. I definitely couldn’t land a Phelps or anything, but you have to figure there are a ton of disappointed losers who are just looking to blow some steam and bang a solid 7.
What is surprising, however, is that each athlete was given 42 condoms to last them two weeks. That means that the head honchos are expecting each athlete to get down and dirty an average of three times per day. Which sounds even more exhausting than competing in any of the actual games, if you ask me. When the 2012 games took place, people thought London was crazy for distributing 150,000 condoms to athletes. But then Rio came in like, “lol, that’s cute” and threw down a solid 450,000 rubbers.
When you think about it, this is probably all because of the damn Zika virus. The disease can be sexually transmitted, so I guess the organizers are trying to prevent the risk. I wonder how many athletes are going to say fuck it and neglect to use a condom, regardless of the supply. Who knows how many beautiful 30-inch babies will be born nine months from now, most likely sporting premature six packs?
Either way, it’s going to be a busy couple of weeks for the athletes. They better gird their loins. Literally. .
[via Esquire]
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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