50 Shades

Oh, Christian Grey, I’d nearly forgotten about you. The initial craze back in 2011 really got me through my graduation, I’m going to be honest. It was nice to have a fictional character to date and have sex with over the summer while I got my life together. When talks of a movie came out, they raised some questions. Who will play Ana? Will I be able to invite my friends to watch it with me, or is it the type of thing I rent on Pay-Per-View when I’m wine drunk at 12:30 a.m. on a Friday night, after I’m absolutely sure my roommate isn’t home? IS CHRISTIAN GREY GOING TO BE HOT ENOUGH?! (As it turns out, the answers are Dakota Johnson, both, and a resounding “no,” respectively.)

Regardless, we (and every other major publication, minor publication, blogger, and person who has access to social media) are excited to announce that the full-length trailer for the “mommy porn” film has been released, and it looks incredible. Maybe not get-freaky-in-a-theater incredible, but pretty awesome nonetheless. The best part? The theme song is Beyoncé, and suddenly life makes sense. Make sure you have batteries in stock, ladies, because we’re in the final stretch. Christian Grey is about to become a reality, and it’s going to look a little something like this.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]

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