One Of These Is 100 Percent Your Resolution, And This Is 100 Percent How It Will Play Out

One Of These Is 100% Your Resolution, And This Is 100% How It Will Play Out

Every year around this time, people all over the country break out their pens and paper and make a list of New Year’s resolutions. As soon as that giant shimmering ball drops, it’s as if all of the regret from the past year disappears and we finally have the perfect opportunity to get our shit together. We promise ourselves that we’ll stick to it and have the most perfect year imaginable, but in reality, that probably won’t happen.

The “Get In Shape” Resolution

Expectation: I’m going to create a workout plan, make sure to get to the gym at least five days a week, and totally transform my body. I’ll be flaunting my flat stomach by spring break.
Reality: I’m going to go to the gym maybe three times, get sick of the crowds of people that have the same idea I had, and not go back until next January. Walking from class to class is plenty of exercise, anyway.

The “Eat Clean” Resolution

Expectation: I’m going to log every last calorie, cut out all toxic foods, and maybe even go gluten free.
Reality: I’m going to pin hundreds of diet-related pins to my “Healthy Lifestyle” board on Pinterest, starve myself for a day, and then go back to my diet of pizza and wine.

The “Save Money” Resolution

Expectation: I’m going to take my mom’s advice and ONLY use the credit card for emergencies.
Reality: I’m going to max out my card again by the end of the month.

The “Become A Better Person” Resolution

Expectation: I’m going take multiple volunteer positions, donate to charity, and go on a mission trip if I can work it out with my schedule.
Reality: I’m going to play with the dogs at the local animal shelter for community service hours and call it at that.

The “Get My Grades Up” Resolution

Expectation: I’m going to regularly go to the library, study ahead of time, and finish out the semester with a 4.0.
Reality: I’m going to go to the library the first week of classes and then cram for every exam the rest of the semester in my bed the night before.

The “Make Better Decisions” Resolution

Expectation: I’m going to know my limits and make responsible decisions from now on.
Reality: I’m going to stumble through this year as the hot mess I alway have been.

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@MarinaLynBrown is a basic, blonde, broke sorority girl getting through college one walk-of-shame at a time with a little help from her anxiety meds, daily trips to Starbucks, and several bottles of wine.

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