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Pantsless Woman Steals Franzia From Store, White Girls Everywhere Have New Spirit Animal

Pantsless Wine Theif

Just in case you needed further proof that Florida is the weirdest place ever, a pantsless woman was caught on camera stealing Franzia. I understand. Girlfriend probably thought she was in my apartment, where drinking cheap wine, pantsless, is the norm. Unfortunately, people aren’t as accepting in the real world.

Grocery store security footage reveals a Florida woman (I swear, the sunshine brings out the crazy) strutting her stuff in only a Winnie the Pooh top. If said ensemble was a shack shirt, immediate bid. She grabbed the Franzia before making her escape–no one should ever spend money on Franzia, whether it’s free at a frat party or a party favor at Publix. When the store manager tried to stop her, she refused to surrender the wine. She wasn’t letting anybody kill her vibe, which instantly made her a sorority girl icon. I mean, we’ve all been there. Standards is always hot on our tails when we escape someplace with our adult beverages intact.

Somehow, the woman escaped. If Florida’s most famous wino is found, she’ll face at least one count of retail theft. Unfortunately, Shaggy’s impenetrable defense, “it wasn’t me” will only work if this woman disguises herself in a pair of pants. You would think a thief would go for the good stuff–the fancy, expensive wine, which requires sniffing and swirling–but this lady knows that sometimes, you just need a Franzia fix. I like her style. I’m beyond down for the no pants party she’s throwing. Girl, if you read this, call me and we can slap the bag. I just hope the wine was worth the squeeze.

[via The Gloss]

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Fleur de Lilly

Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.

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