Paternity Tests are Now Mobile!

Have you ever been walking down the street with your children and suddenly had the urge to see if the DNA matches up and they truly are yours? Well, wonder no more, because in East Harlem, the Who’s Your Daddy Truck has hit the streets! Gone are the days of food trucks and now the days of mobile paternity testing are upon us. Now, for just $350 and about 20 minutes of your time, your DNA test can be administered ON A TRUCK thanks to Jared Rosenthal who has his cotton swabs ready to go. The results are delivered in three days (by mail, of course, because this information is private).

Okay. I’m going to state the obvious here and say that something is seriously wrong with people before this is even happening. What the hell is this world coming to that people are too lazy to go to an actual building to figure out who their biological children are? I’m unclear as to whether or not the DNA truck takes WIC cards, but I’m going to out on a limb and say that chances are good I’m paying tax dollars to fund this institution in one way or another.

On the other side of the story, I think the guy who invented this is an absolute genius. I mean, taking a truck, writing the words “Baby Daddy” on it, and parking it in East Harlem? The only thing that would make this scenario better is if the truck was continually parked outside of the office where people file for unemployment (I’m unclear as to that whole procedure, so I’m going out on a limb and assuming there’s an office for that).

Anyway, I’d just like to remind all of you gentlemen to wrap before you tap…the SEC, Big 10 and Big 12 do not need DNA trucks at their tailgates.


Follow me on Twitter @PearlsHiltonTSM

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