Celebrity wax figures freak me out. They’re creepy, they don’t have a legitimate purpose, and no matter what people say, they definitely do not look anything like the people they are supposed to imitate. They’re just a huge waste of money, and I really think that we should focus on funding more important endeavors like ending world hunger or buying me that Michael Kors watch I’ve been eyeing for months.

I really thought that Kim K’s selfie-taking figure was the worst aspect of wax museums, but Nicki Minaj’s statue might just take the cake. The wax figure is a tribute to Nicki’s “Anaconda” video, and features the rapper on her hands and knees. I’m not going to go on some completely redundant feminist rant about how she is portrayed as nothing but a sex object, because that is exactly the way she puts herself out there. She loves it, and I support women of all lifestyles, so if that’s how she wants to be seen, more power to her and her grade A donk.

The only problem with the statue is that the museum can’t seem to get visitors to stop humping it. Which begs the question, “What the fuck did they think was going to happen?” This is such a tempting pose that I’m not even sure if I’d be able to resist the urge to provocatively stand behind her, if it weren’t for my crippling fear of lifelike statues.

Nicki’s plastic twin has tempted inappropriate visitors since early August, and the museum is pretty fed up with all these degenerates dry humping the shit out of the poor girl. Things got so bad that they eventually resorted to releasing a statement meant to discourage guests from getting it on with the figure.

Best of luck to Madame Tussauds, because I doubt this plea will be taken seriously by anyone. Lord knows it would take more than a notice and a security guard to keep me from mounting a statue of Ashton Kutcher, and it’s safe to say that Nicki fans are at least ten times more aggressive than I am..

[via Jezebel]

Image via Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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