So you may have heard about this little “holiday” called “Steak and Blow Job Day,” which guys have invented as a response to Valentine’s Day. Well, in my personal opinion, it’s pretty stupid. A guy doesn’t need a fucking reward for spending time with me, and we all know that boys get things out of Valentine’s Day, too. It’s not exactly selfless giving. So, if you’re not really down to go down on S&BJ Day, that’s totally fine because blowies are given out way too freely nowadays. They should be reserved for big things like “thanks for the diamond.” However, if you feel inclined to be manipulative, I fully support using this “holiday” to give some head in order to get ahead in whatever your relationship goals may be with this gentleman.
Whatever you choose to do, you need to make sure it makes sense in the context of your relationship. If you and this guy have only been hooking up for a couple of weeks, don’t you dare attempt to go all out, even if it’s “just to be nice.” Nice is just a place in France. The only reason you should partake in this “holiday,” is if it’s part of your greater Machiavellian scheme. If you come on too strong, this plan is going to backfire on you.
In the case of a casual hookup, you are probably only using Steak and Blow Job Day to procure a date to formal, or something along those lines. Definitely skip the steak. He’s not looking to see if you’re wife material right now. Luckily, you don’t have to worry about elaborate evening plans because this event falls on a Thursday, so your work is easy. All you have to do is meet up with him tonight, and after a few rounds at the bar, take him home. When you’re busy at work, just slip a not-too-subtle request into the mix.
Conversely, if you are in a committed relationship and you’re deciding to participate, you have a lot more work cut out for you. If you’re working on your MRS degree, this is like finals week for you. The upside is that your goal isn’t something like a date to formal, because you already have that on lock. Your objective is probably more along the lines of getting him to purchase you expensive jewelry, having him agree to come home to meet your parents, convincing him to pay for spring break in the Bahamas, or locking it down for good. To get that kind of result, you really have to sell your performance. You’ll get out of it what you put into it, so go ahead and pull out your best lingerie for this one. If you’re too afraid of your hair being singed on the grill, just take him to a really nice steakhouse. If he’s a gentleman (which he should be if you’re dating him), he’ll probably pay for dinner, despite you insisting otherwise. Other than the eventual ingestion of semen, it ends up being a win-win for you.
S&BJ Day can also be used to show a guy how pissed you are at him. For example, if he really fucked up Valentine’s Day (and your relationship isn’t the kind where he is allowed to do the minimum or ignore the holiday altogether), you can reciprocate by giving him a shitty S&BJ Day. Don’t just ignore the “holiday,” because you’re not actually expected to do anything, so that wouldn’t be passive aggressive at all. A true master at passive aggression would, instead hint at the holiday to make sure it’s on his radar. He’ll be expecting a lot beforehand, so you can then give him something mediocre like cereal and a hand job. That should do the trick. By no means should you go all out and give him an amazing steak and blow job to try to make him feel guilty. That’s definitely not going to work. If he was clueless enough to forget Valentine’s Day, he is definitely too clueless to pick up on the fact that you were just the best girlfriend ever, and that he should feel awful in comparison.
As you can see ladies, despite what anyone tells you, your participation in and mastery of this holiday is not about perfecting the art of cooking a steak and giving the perfect blowie. It’s about what you can get out of it, so if you were planning on doing anything at all, make sure it’s going to be worth it for you in the end. On the other hand, if all you will be blowing is hundreds of dollars on retail therapy because you are single and today reminds you of it even more so, take comfort in the fact that any girl that buys into the notion of Steak and Blow Job day as a “just because” kind of thing isn’t getting far in life.
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Things_That_Sparkle
Things_That_Sparkle (@SparkleThatTSM) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.
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