I’m a huge proponent of girl talk. Girl talk is sacred and invaluable in a myriad of situations, and bitching to your girlfriends about something is absolutely a part of that. Complaining to one another about things that we know no one else would want to listen to is one of the ways women bond. In most situations, your girlfriends and sisters can give you much needed perspective and insight on whatever issue you’re currently facing. And a vast majority of the time, the issue you’re facing and/or complaining about is going to relate to your boyfriend– and that’s perfectly fine. Sometimes you really just need another woman’s perspective on whether or not it’s normal for him to only have sex while wearing his Spiderman socks (it’s not) or if you should be upset that he didn’t call you after he dropped you off last night to say goodnight (probably not, but we can hash that one out if you’re feeling vulnerable).
However, there are certain circumstances where coming to your girlfriends with issues specifically regarding your boyfriend gets a little old. I know, I know, good friends are supposed to be there to always listen to a girl’s problems, but hear me out.
When you come to me bitching about something your boyfriend has done to upset you, and it’s the exact same thing you’ve been complaining about every day for the past two months, I’m probably going to get a little annoyed. If he won’t stop doing something that is making you that insane, break up with him before my ears fall off, or for the love of God tell him and not me. I can’t fix his inability of putting the toilet seat down. But maybe, if you talk to him about how it bothers you, and not me, the conflict will find a resolution.
Another example is when you and your boyfriend have a fight about something deeply, deeply personal to him or to you. I would seriously recommend thinking twice before spilling the details to every single one of your sisters, because the chances are high that the news will leak somehow and that could be very damaging to both of you. His brothers will hear about it, assuming he’s in a fraternity, and even if he isn’t, news travels fast in any circle in college. Eventually, one of his buddies will hear about it and roast him relentlessly and he’ll be even angrier with you, or you’ll be the one mortified that everyone knows you’re mad at him because you queefed during sex and he laughed at you. Such a personal issue would probably be best to sort out between your boyfriend and yourself, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t prefer an entire campus knowing about your vagina noises. Tell me if you want, but if that actually happened to you I promise I will laugh too.
Lastly, if you complain to your friends relentlessly about your boyfriend, they’re going to start to hate him if they don’t already. That might not be your intention, but after months on end of hearing only the worst, most annoying things about a person, your friends will start to hate him. Or worse, they won’t be able to tell where you stand with him, ever. Do we like him today? No? Yes? If they aren’t sure, one of your friends could very well end up getting drunk and tossing a drink in his face and yelling at him for being mean to you, and then all hell will break loose.
Don’t avoid talking about your boyfriend problems with your sisters and friends altogether. A certain amount of bitching and even very in-depth complaining is totally allowed. My recommendation is just to do it prudently, and in moderation. You’re allowed a few free passes, too. If you get drunk one night and cry because you’ve been fighting with your boyfriend, I’ll still be there for you. Unless you do it every single weekend. Then, honey, you’re on your own..
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Shannon Layne
My favorite things are tiaras, compliments, and free drinks, which are becoming harder to come by the more I tend to show up at the bar in sweat pants. The proudest moment of my life so far has been landing an actual, paying job that allows me to Facebook stalk people for a living. I tweet about my mom way too often, who is constantly trying to remind me that I'm not nearly as cool as I think I am. Please send me funny stories to read at work here: [email protected]
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