Psycho Texts You Can Only Send Your BFF — Part 2


The great thing about best friends is that they are contractually obligated not to judge you, no matter how psychotic you are being. They can give you a heavy dose of reality or bitch slap the crazy out of you, but judge you they may not. This is never more evident than when you look back and read the 100% full blown psycho texts you have sent to your besties. Normal people wouldn’t get it, but your BFF expects nothing less.

  1. “Normal people don’t plot (fake) murders.”
  2. “Please try to hide your cuntiness, just a little bit.”
  3. “Analversary. It’s a thing.”
  4. “I can’t come over tonight, I have to shave everything.”
  5. “True friends understand your emotional unstableness.”
  6. *types out lengthy sext* “How’s that?”
  7. “I got pretty turned on while reading it, so I think it’s pretty good.”
  8. “Yes, guys can see your butthole during doggy style.”
  9. “I don’t think his dick is worth traveling across national borders for, but who knows, it might be.”
  10. “Mike said he wants to take things to another level with me. Does that mean he’s going to ask me to be his girlfriend or does he just want to do anal?”
  11. “Let’s go to a lingerie shop later.”
  12. “I finally got my period, thank God. I’m not emotionally ready to give up alcohol or sushi.”
  13. “Can’t talk now. Trying to find my G spot.”
  14. “Serious question. Should we become lesbians? Not like, together. Unless you would want to. I’d be down. Get it? Down? LOL.”
  15. “Can I send you a picture of this bump on my bikini line? I don’t know if it’s an ingrown hair or if I’m finally getting payback for making fun of you for when you had chlamydia last year.”
  16. “We really need to get our shit together. But let’s put a hold on that until after formal.”

Names have been changed to protect the guilty. Send your psycho BFF texts to

Read part one here.

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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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