There’s no doubt about it: summer is by far the hottest season. But just because you and your man are getting steamy by the beach doesn’t mean that your summer love will last until the fall. Sure, it can be exciting to be seen around town with something more substantial than a fruity cocktail, but don’t get the wrong idea. He may like hooking up with you, but by the time September rolls around, you may have to hang him up with your halter top.
Take this incredibly scientific quiz to see if your temperature is rising for real, or you have an STD-induced fever:
1. What was he wearing when you met him?
A. Shorts, a button down, and a pair of boat shoes.
B. A tank top, but that was only for the first hour. Then he took the tank top off. Indoors.
2. What did you do on your first date?
A. Watched Zac Efron in “Neighbors,” then shared a Mister Softee treat with extra sprinkles.
3. Now that school is out, you finally have time to catch up on some TV. What series is he most excited to watch?
A. “Game of Thrones.”
B. “To Catch a Predator.” (He heard his friend was on it this season.)
4. When you text him during the day, he:
A. Responds within an hour or so, usually with a smiley face.
B. Asks, “Who is this?”
5. He takes you out to dinner at:
A. An adorable locals-only lobster roll joint on the pier.
B. Shake Shack, but he tells you he can only afford fries.
6. You cancel on him last minute, and he says:
A. “No problem, maybe tomorrow night?”
B. “Who is this?”
7. You ask him what he’s doing for the Fourth of July, and he says:
A. “Whatever you’re doing, of course.”
B. “When’s that?”
8. After staying the night, he:
A. makes the bed.
B. eats all of your cold cuts while on the toilet.
9. He has a sexy tattoo on his arm, and when you ask him what it means, he says:
A. “Oh, my friends and I got it after junior year. It means loyalty.”
B. “I forget.”
10. You come down with a nasty summer cold, and he shows up with:
A. Some chicken soup, NyQuil, and an HBO Go password.
11. You meet up with your friends to sing some drunken karaoke, and he:
A. Immediately signs you both up to sing Salt n’ Pepa’s “Push It.”
B. Starts hitting on your friend.
12. During text conversations, he sends you:
A. Charming heart emojis mixed in with some random fruit.
B. Only knives.
13. What’s his Facebook profile picture?
A. It’s him standing on a roof deck holding a hamburger, and wearing an American flag tee shirt.
B. Some topless woman.
14. You’re throwing a low key back yard barbeque. What’s his job?
A. Taking food orders, and then manning the grill.
B. Well, he was supposed to bring beer, but never showed up.
15. What does he normally do after you have sex?
A. He gets up to use the bathroom, and offers to get water, or some ginger ale.
B. It’s hard to say; maybe texting?
16. You’re planning a beach day together. What does he pack?
A. A volleyball, a case of beer, some sunscreen, and a pair of your flip flops because he knew you would forget them.
B. A handwritten coupon on the back of a parking ticket that just says, “Good for one blow job.”
17. You ask him what he plans to do after he graduates from college. He says:
A. “I’m thinking law school, but might try to do Teach for America first.”
B. “Wait seriously, who is this?”
We don’t want to jinx it, but it sounds like you found the chupacabra of summer dating. He’s really into you, and is not afraid to show it. You should take this seriously, and probably try to lock it down. Think about bringing up your ring size in casual conversation, or asking to meet his parents.
Go to a clinic.