Real TSM User Comments Inserted Into Casual, Everyday Conversation

My esteemed colleague Roger Dorn said it best: one of the best, most fun aspects of this website is the interactive capability between its users. I actually do my best to read the feedback on all of my columns, 1) because I’m a crazy narcissist who enjoys it when people pay attention to anything I’ve done and 2) because I really actually do (sort of) care about the feedback I receive. For the most part, you all are darling. Nothing brings me more joy than knowing I’m just saying what everyone else was thinking, or giving a harsh dose of reality thinly disguised as advice to someone in a bad relationship.

That being said, there are certain comments on this site that are absolutely ridiculous. Most of these comments come from the gentlemen users, who I can only assume have ignored the existence of an outside social world and have opted to instead, stay indoors refreshing TFM at frequent intervals, jumping at the opportunity to give their misplaced and asinine feedback on TSM columns that are (mostly) relevant to TSM readers (see: girls). I know that these comments are (hopefully) all done in good nature, but it recently dawned on me that there are real people behind these comments who actually find themselves funny. Could you actually imagine running into some of these guys at the bar? I feel like the scenarios would be beyond awkward:

Scene 1: You’re with your friends at a bar when you are approached by some bearded male:

“Hey! You girls want to do shots!”
“I mean, I don’t know? Maybe.”
“Oh come on, it will be fun!”
“Okay, as long as it’s not well vodka, I can’t even LOOK at that stuff. Let me grab my friends.”
– Takes Shot –
“What is up with your beard? Did you lose your razor? Are you participating in No-Shave November? OMG THAT WAS WELL VODKA. I TOLD YOU NO WELL VODKA.”

“Okay, that’s a little uncalled for. I was just trying to make conversation. Besides, I actually think I might be sick now from that shot.”

“Okay, now I’m definitely going to be sick. And, you’re an asshole.”

Scene 2: You’re working on a group project and exchanging pieces via e-mail

“Hey guys. I’ve attached my part of the presentation. I did the first 20 slides, as we agreed on, and I also attached the notes page and works cited. I think this is going to turn out great, let me know if you have any questions.”

“Umm…ok? I just meant that I did my end of the presentation, and it looks good. I haven’t even seen what you’ve been working on. Have you even started yet?”

“Excuse me? This is beyond inappropriate. I feel really uncomfortable and I don’t think we can work together. I’m e-mailing our professor and requesting that you be removed from the group.”

“What? I don’t even…I give up.”

Scene 3: You’re shopping with friends trying to assemble Halloween costumes, and you are approached by a semi-familiar looking guy

“I’m so excited for our costumes! I really think these are going to turn out great.”

“Me too! I wonder what the guys will end up wearing?”

“What the hell!? Who are you?’

“That doesn’t even make sense! Who’s Walter? Why are you talking to us? You’re really creepy.”

“Damn. I was going to be a bunny.”

Scene 4: You’ve just gotten your big and are showing FB pics from Big/Little Reveal to EVERYONE in your discussion section before class starts.

“I LOVE MY BIG! Look at the presents she crafted for me! She even made a fun scrapbook of our favorite memories!”

“You’re an asshole. But seriously, I LOVE MY BIG! She’s so fun! And so perfect! We seriously had THE BEST time on Reveal night! Isn’t she cute?!”

“That is disgusting! How could you say such a thing you perv?!”

“What? She’s hot.”

“Yeah…she’s a pretty girl but no need to be disrespectful. That is uncalled for.”

“Don’t be an asshole, I’m just saying, you don’t need to be so rude. She’d seriously be mortified if she heard you say that.”


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