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Realistic Things You Can Give Up For Lent

Lent

  1. Using Snapchat after 1 a.m.
  2. Acting on your drunken generosity by buying shots for everyone and their mother.
  3. All nighters that consist of six straight hours of aimless web surfing and only one hour of actual work.
  4. Drunkenly ditching your heels regardless of how ratchet the sidewalk is.
  5. That one last shot before you leave.
  6. Using a hangover as an excuse to neglect crucial personal hygiene.
  7. Texting with only emojis.
  8. Trying to convince yourself you didn’t shack, because you returned before 7 a.m. The rule is sunrise, and you know it.
  9. Then trying to convince your sisters you didn’t shack, dressed in XL basketball shorts and a frat tank.
  10. Using your cleavage to acquire free drinks.
  11. Peeing anywhere that is not in a toilet.
  12. Neglecting to answer a text, knowing full well that you left your read receipts on.
  13. Blow Jobs. You never got anything out of ’em anyway.
  14. Getting insanely jealous when your best friend has an inside joke with another person.
  15. Drunk ordering Jimmy Johns.
  16. Sober ordering Jimmy Johns.
  17. Telling your parents you need money for textbooks, and then spending it all on vodka cranberries–in one night.
  18. Spending less than five minutes getting ready for class.
  19. Saying “I can’t” when something displeases you.
  20. Befriending drunk girls in the bathroom.
  21. Binge watching “Sex and the City.”
  22. Dancing obnoxiously on bar stools until security tells you to stop.
  23. Waiting until you’re legitimately out of underwear to do laundry.
  24. Post 1 a.m. booty calls.
  25. Scratch that, post 3 a.m. booty calls.
  26. Drunkenly calling your boyfriend and explaining to him, in full detail, exactly why and how much you love him.
  27. Sexting during class.
  28. Wearing pajamas in public.
  29. Blaming Obama for things that Obama clearly had no control of.
  30. Buying Chipotle gift cards for yourself.
  31. Wearing leggings as pants.
  32. JUST KIDDING #stillpants.
  33. Vocalizing plans to study days before a big exam when everyone knows you’re going until wait til the day of.
  34. Tequila.
  35. Drunkenly lying about your identity to a stranger at the bar.
  36. Drunken attempts at accents while lying about your identity to a stranger at the bar.
  37. Wearing sunglasses in lieu of makeup.
  38. Blaming your bitchy tendencies on PMS when you’re not actually PMSing.
  39. Stealing handles from fraternity basement parties.
  40. Telling your house mom about everything that happened the night before, because you’re still drunk.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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