- Using Snapchat after 1 a.m.
- Acting on your drunken generosity by buying shots for everyone and their mother.
- All nighters that consist of six straight hours of aimless web surfing and only one hour of actual work.
- Drunkenly ditching your heels regardless of how ratchet the sidewalk is.
- That one last shot before you leave.
- Using a hangover as an excuse to neglect crucial personal hygiene.
- Texting with only emojis.
- Trying to convince yourself you didn’t shack, because you returned before 7 a.m. The rule is sunrise, and you know it.
- Then trying to convince your sisters you didn’t shack, dressed in XL basketball shorts and a frat tank.
- Using your cleavage to acquire free drinks.
- Peeing anywhere that is not in a toilet.
- Neglecting to answer a text, knowing full well that you left your read receipts on.
- Blow Jobs. You never got anything out of ’em anyway.
- Getting insanely jealous when your best friend has an inside joke with another person.
- Drunk ordering Jimmy Johns.
- Sober ordering Jimmy Johns.
- Telling your parents you need money for textbooks, and then spending it all on vodka cranberries–in one night.
- Spending less than five minutes getting ready for class.
- Saying “I can’t” when something displeases you.
- Befriending drunk girls in the bathroom.
- Binge watching “Sex and the City.”
- Dancing obnoxiously on bar stools until security tells you to stop.
- Waiting until you’re legitimately out of underwear to do laundry.
- Post 1 a.m. booty calls.
- Scratch that, post 3 a.m. booty calls.
- Drunkenly calling your boyfriend and explaining to him, in full detail, exactly why and how much you love him.
- Sexting during class.
- Wearing pajamas in public.
- Blaming Obama for things that Obama clearly had no control of.
- Buying Chipotle gift cards for yourself.
- Wearing leggings as pants.
- JUST KIDDING #stillpants.
- Vocalizing plans to study days before a big exam when everyone knows you’re going until wait til the day of.
- Tequila.
- Drunkenly lying about your identity to a stranger at the bar.
- Drunken attempts at accents while lying about your identity to a stranger at the bar.
- Wearing sunglasses in lieu of makeup.
- Blaming your bitchy tendencies on PMS when you’re not actually PMSing.
- Stealing handles from fraternity basement parties.
- Telling your house mom about everything that happened the night before, because you’re still drunk.
Nice Move318
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to [email protected].
@Lucky__Jo
@lucyjmulvihill
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