Laguna Beach superstar LC finally found love, which means there’s hope for us all. Over the years, my girl L.C. had some seriously bad news boyfriends and betrayals. She went with the cynical route for awhile, but that didn’t stop pretty much everyone around her from messing with her. Even though she pretended to be tough, she was always getting hurt, whether it was by her ex-bestie, Heidi, or one of the douchebag dudes in her life.
At the end of the day, Lauren came out of years of “reality” drama entirely unscathed. Sure, there’s a GIF of her crying black tears in slo-mo rolling around the internet, but Heidi is a plastic stuffed Barbie doll gone wrong and no one’s heard from Ste-phen in years (that One Tree Hill cameo barely counts, and neither does his 2009 appearance in a T. Swizzle video). Here’s a throwback to Lauren’s long, rocky road to love.
It all started with Ste-phen. Your love of douchenozzles has to start somewhere. As little nuggets, we watched Lauren cry over a boy who most certainly didn’t deserve her tears. It was obvious to everyone that Ste-phen was going to choose that slut Cavallari (Cabo), because she was the Veronica to Lauren’s unassuming Betty. It’s way hard to believe that Cavallari has herself a little Cutlet these days, but I guess everyone grows up, eventually. Back then, Lauren hadn’t gotten her look together yet. She was your typical Orange County bleach blonde, attempting to emulate the faux-fashionable girls from The O.C. while shopping exclusively at Juicy Couture and Pac Sun. Since then, she’s perfected the best Instagram filters to make her look stylish and beautiful, even in her Kohl’s line. Lauren’s relationship with Stephen was always uber-dramatic. I’m sure their Facebook friends were constantly annoyed with them, because you know their status updates were always “complicated.”
Next up was Jason, the penultimate douchebag. We’ve all been there. You try to explain to your friends that you’re different, and they don’t know him like you do, but the sad truth is that they do. It’s you who’s love drunk (or actually drunk) and confused. Every girl needs a bad boy once in her life to make her appreciate the good ones, but for a long time, Lauren stuck exclusively to life in jerk city. Jason got married last week, which is proof that d-bags do eventually settle down, just not with you. Jason was the ultimate boy you thought you could change, and Lauren gave up almost everything for him, including Paris. She even forgave him after he kissed someone that wasn’t her in front of all her friends, which is inexcusable human behavior. Even though she’ll always know she made terrible decisions for an even worse boy, she showed us that at the end of the day, giving up what you love for a dude isn’t worth it. Even though Jason beat her to the altar, he got a DUI or two along the way and only made it with help from Dr. Drew, so she’s still winning (and it’s every girl’s dream to be better than her ex). Luckily, as far as Jason goes, that’s pretty easy.
It was going to be so perfect. Best friend shacking always is (in theory). But it never works out. Who would’ve thought that Speidi would be the couple that made it? Nobody, but that’s what ended up happening when Lauren turned to Brody for romance. Can you even remember that far back? It was when Brody was the most famous of the Jenner-Kardashian clan, which seems surprising at this point. Total bro Brody was another shared conquest with Kristin. Those girls will be Eskimo sisters until the end of time. They should’ve just hooked up, because they’ve shared almost everyone in SoCal in a serious way.
Dougie was hot, which is pretty much the only thing he had going for him, besides the whole private plan scenario. Plus, post-L.C. he took on Spencer’s sister, who’s had almost as much plastic surgery as his wife. Doug’s been through more pikachu than LC’s been through peens. He dated Paris Hilton, who said she would marry him one day (just think of all the diseases he has). He also spent over 2 milli on her, so maybe he is boyfriend material. Lauren was recycling Doug, which is never a good idea. It’s understandable because he has a nice face, and Lauren was never good at letting the past stay in the past.
Not much is known about him, other than the fact that he has the kind of familiar face that would make a Shazam for people extremely helpful. He’s popped up in failed sitcoms over the years, and seemed like a solid choice because he didn’t go to Laguna High with her. He’s cute and doesn’t have crazy eyes like the rest of her exes, but it didn’t last. Unlike her other relationships, Lauren kept this one way under wraps for years, even while filming The Hills, where she perfected living her double life.
William Tell is perfect, and after years of serious losers, the only person who deserves him more than me is LC. After years in Something Corporate, a perfect SoCal pop-punk band, he enrolled at USC Law. He has so many feelings, just like her. He’s preppy and precious, and his 2007 solo album is perfect. After years of mascara tears and disappointment, Lauren’s engagement proves that there’s hope for us all.
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