The best advice I’ve ever received was from an older girl who had just gotten engaged when I was a sophomore in college. She said, “The trick to a happy relationship is that you need to date down. Make sure you’re always just a liiiittle bit better-looking, and that he loves you just a liiiittle bit more.” This was a rule by which I’d been accidentally abiding my whole life anyway, but when she put it into words everything seemed to make sense to me.
I’ve always noticed the general trend that girls tend to be more attractive than their boyfriends are. But it wasn’t until it was verbalized to me that I understood why. It’s all for a reason. First of all, guys are more shallow than girls are. I know that sounds like a bold statement, because we are infinitely more vain, but the truth is, most girls only care about their own appearance and how those around them make THEM look. I don’t actually care if my friends are pretty because it matters to me if they are pretty…I only want to make sure that they are making me and my letters look good. Plus if one of you is a gorgey and the other is like…not, it just gets awkward with the “boys never like me, I wish I was as pretty as you are” confessions. You’ll never hear a girl bragging about how she “bagged a 10.” Ever. When it comes to guys, we’re far more concerned with other things, because for guys, other things are far more important. They could give a shit how pretty they are, or how pretty their friends are, which is why you see so many uglies in the top tier. They are infinitely more concerned with money, things, and whatever the acceptable white boy equivalent of “swag” is. The Alpha male is the guy with the most skills and and the best…stuff. Of course their “things” include their girls and their “skills” include their abilities to “get” girls. So their main objective is to have the hottest possible girl on their arm. That is how they measure their success. And so, they are always always always trying to date UP, and when you’re in the rare situation where the guy dates down, things tend to go awry.
Now, for a casual hook up, it’s ok to play the same games as the boys. And if it’s a one-night stand, you should definitely be aiming for the most attractive guy you’ve ever seen in real life. 6’2”, giant biceps, award-winning smile pretty-boy…go for it. The guy who would normally make, even someone like you, a blubbering idiot. It can’t go much beyond that, because you’ll never be yourself around him, but the more important thing is if he looks like someone who should be on the cover of GQ, you won’t feel bad for jumping on your opportunity, and on him. It’s the one time in your life you’ll feel proud of yourself for “scoring” with someone instead of embarrassed, so I say go for it.
However, the girls who date up, and even across, are the most miserable people on the planet. And why wouldn’t they be? They are dealing with a colossal and unrivaled insecurity onset by the single worst sentence you can say about a girlfriend: “What is HE doing with HER?” Fucking ouch. When the girl is better-looking people say “good for him” when the guy is, it’s an uphill battle against “he could do so much better” and “she’s not pretty enough for him.” These women turn into the most vapid bitches you’ll ever encounter as they are in a constant state of fear of your judgment and of losing their man. While they’re nasty to you, the level of pathetic they reach with their interactions with the guy is embarrassing. Everything they do is a desperate rouse to keep herself in his good graces, and frankly it’s just not a good look. Plus, she has to deal with the burden of always looking her best. She’s sick and wants chicken soup? Not without her contacts, straightener, and full face of make-up. Which is why it’s much easier when his best is roughly equal to your worst. It’s never an issue. You’ll never feel insecure, and you can be as absolutely high-maintenance and demanding as you please, without feeling inferior or fearing a wandering eye, because he’s lucky to have you. I’m not saying you should be dating a cave troll. Especially when you’re husband-hunting…you need to ensure your children have a good life…meaning they need to be attractive, he just should be a liiiiittle less pretty than you are to make sure you’re both happy. Moral of the story: hook up, date down.
Follow me on Twitter @HotPiece_TSM
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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