School Instills “Pee To Park” Policy

When I was in elementary and middle school, my health teachers led me to believe there would be drug addicts lurking in the bushes between my bus stop and my house waiting to pounce on me and force me to do drugs. I envisioned these evil teenages, just waiting for some helpless pubescent victims to cross their paths, so they could lure us down an immoral road filled with drug users and people who stayed up past their bedtimes. It was scary out there. Needless to say, I’m still waiting for that to happen.

In high school, I was forewarned about parties I’d attend where people would try to offer me drugs and alcohol. I was primed to tell peer pressure-ers that I’d just have a soda. I practiced it in front of a mirror for a whole year, before I realized that I should, instead, start practicing getting myself invited to those parties. I didn’t smoke a single weed until I was a freshman in college, and I’m still waiting for the day harder drugs are offered to me. I’ve had my whole life to figure out whether or not I’d accept them, but I’m probably just going to decide upon a firm “yes” or “no” when the time comes, though I’m starting to think it never will. Health teachers really had me fooled, man.

Apparently, though, in some circles, it’s an epidemic. So much so, that one Jackson Mississippi will now be enforcing a policy that all students who drive to school are subject to random drug testing to maintain rights to their parking spots: pee to park. Only seniors had parking passes in my high school, but I imagine this would have made the girls in my class giving handys to upperclassmen my sophomore year preetttyyy pissed.

Parents and administrators are delighted about the new policy, believing it to be a way to keep kids off drugs. Superintendent Ronnie McGehee explains, “It’s just another tool for our young people to say, ‘Look, I don’t need to anything because I may be selected,’” but civil rights activists disagree, as they believe “We should do no harm, [and] to force a student to defend their innocence in the absence of wrong-doing, that’s harmful.”

Regardless of your take, we can all agree that Madison County Schools are going to be a lot less fun this year.

[via Sun Herald]

Image via Wrangler News


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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]

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