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Secrets Revealed: Why We Don’t Want To Hook Up With You

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Why A Girl Will Turn Down Hooking Up With A Guy

  1. My hair is greasy.
  2. Why didn’t I just wash my fucking hair?
  3. Oh, my God, I’m way too drunk for this.
  4. Oh, my God, I’m way too sober for this.
  5. My padded bra is WAY too padded.
  6. My non-padded bra is doing nothing for me and I look like a 12-year-old boy.
  7. I haven’t shaved in two days.
  8. I haven’t shaved in two weeks.
  9. I shouldn’t have told him the story about my cat.
  10. Why did I think Army pants and flip flops were a good idea?
  11. My room is so messy.
  12. I’m wearing such ugly underwear.
  13. I’m on my period.
  14. I’m not on my period, but I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.
  15. I didn’t take a shower today.
  16. Ugh, I 100 percent smell.
  17. No, no, no, no, do NOT go down there. I haven’t had a wax in…ever.
  18. I know who his ex is, and I hate her (that bitch).
  19. I don’t know who his ex is, and I hate her (that mysterious bitch).
  20. Why didn’t I put on clean pants?
  21. Garlic knots where such a bad idea.
  22. There is no way all of that PBR is staying down.
  23. My toenails look disgusting.
  24. My nail beds suck.
  25. I saw him check himself out in a window reflection.
  26. Pretty sure he doesn’t own a mirror.
  27. I’m not over my ex.
  28. I’ve never had an ex, and I don’t know how to talk to boys (but actually).
  29. Pretty sure I’m going to have to shit, and, uh, I can’t do that with him here.
  30. My friends think he’s ugly.
  31. My friends think he’s hot but also a total douchebag.
  32. One of my friends has hooked up with him and she’s kind of a skank, so…
  33. I think he’s a virgin.
  34. There’s a new episode of “Pretty Little Liars” on tonight, and he’s not worth watching it a day late and having everything spoiled for me on social media.
  35. He’s my ex-boyfriend’s best friend.
  36. He doesn’t know my ex, and I want to get back at my ex.
  37. He’s on a stricter diet than I am.
  38. I’m a lady and I have standards.
  39. At least on Sunday-Wednesday.

Why A Guy Will Turn Down Hooking Up With A Girl

  1. She’s actually not a girl, and, while he considered it for a good amount of time, he’s not feeling man-meat tonight.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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