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When Guys Say They Are Competitive, They Are Just Warning You They Are A Sore Loser

Self-Proclaimed "Competitive" Guy Actually Just A Sore Loser

As intramural season approaches us, our student “athletes” return from their offseason tanner and more hungover than ever. They’ve spent the summer catching up with their high school buddies and drinking in their parents’ basement like the good ol’ days, but they never forgot that the glory days are just ahead of them. We got a chance to catch up with a one of the all stars and his insight about the upcoming games.

Aiden Brough, Pike’s team captain and noted bar fighter, is entering his third year in intramurals. When we got to his apartment to conduct the interview, he answered the door while still looking at the TV. He glanced to say hello, but in that split second he missed what we can only assume was a “huge play” because he started yelling so loud that veins started bulging out of his neck. Once commercials started to play, Brough started talking to us about how he got involved in intramurals.

“I wanted to be able to play sports, but also be able to show up to practices blasted, so intramurals was the perfect fit for me,” he told TSM. “I feel like I’m at home when I’m here. It’s like high school all over again. Our team went to states,” he slyly slipped into the conversation.

Growing up, Brough said that he was always into sports. “I would definitely describe myself as competitive. When I was in gym class as a kid and I got out in kickball I would throw the biggest fucking fit. Screaming, face all red, the whole thing. I just really liked to win. But who doesn’t?” He went on to illustrate his high school sports career, most games ending in testosterone-fueled rage.

“I just take the game seriously and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” he said. “Maybe if more of my teammates took it as seriously as I did we would have gone even further than states.”

Students who also play intramurals have claimed that Brough is a “try hard” that “cries if he doesn’t get his way” and is “a danger to himself and others when he loses.” His ex-girlfriend described him as “a scary guy, especially when he’s drunk.” When asked about it, Brough was quick to defend his tactics.

“They’re all just a bunch of fuckin’ pussies, dude. Pike has been dominating intramurals since we were founded on this campus in 2009. That’s almost a whole decade on top. I’m not going to be the captain that just carelessly plays while we all have fun. That’s how you lose. And I do NOT lose,” said Brough with tears of rage welled up in his eyes.

Brough is hoping to carry his team to the top once again. “We have a pretty strong team, but we’re always looking to recruit more guys to improve not just our team but our chapter as well. We have to remember it’s not just about the game, it’s about our reputation on campus,” he told TSM. “I’ve ran for rush chair the last 5 semesters and they keep picking dweebs who want ‘well-rounded’ brothers, and I’m just like, what’s wrong with rush event that’s just the FitnessGram Pacer Test?”

We wish Brough good luck this season, as well as anyone who has to encounter him.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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