“Sex And The City” Lied: Why You Should Never Get Back With An Ex

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“You and I…nothing.” Those were the words that echoed throughout Manhattan. Off of steel barstools and worn leather chairs, off of overpriced coffees and near-finished cocktails. They skidded through Central Park and bounced off of the Empire State Building, danced over dirty sidewalks laden with salted peanuts and lipstick-stained cigarettes, touched on stilettoed Manolo Blahniks and satin Jimmy Choos. They weaved and darted and sank and flew, and finally, after cab rides and busy streets and moments spent in cold, winter air, they found four girls sitting at a table for drinks.

The story was recounted, retold, and reexamined. He does this every time. Does he have some sort of radar? Does he sense that after days, months, maybe even years, you’re finally okay? Finally happy? Does he truly miss you, or does he simply crave you? Is it you he really wants, or just someone to hold when the sleepless nights finally become unbearable?

After drinks and an early dinner, after rehashing the six years of never changing, after thinking of her future, Carrie Bradshaw left Mr. Big behind and boarded a plane to Paris. He was the ex everyone hated, the asshole they told her to forget, the man who would never change–and so she left, never to look back again.

Or at least that’s what should have happened. Instead, she did look back. She did let him back in. And she did make the same stupid mistake over and over and over again. Carrie Bradshaw did not win at love. Carrie Bradshaw’s dream did not come true. Carrie Bradshaw settled.

For 93 episodes, “Sex and the City” was inspirational. It was real. It was independent, motivational, chic, sexy, hilarious. It was thought-provoking and it showed us–this wannabe Cosmo-drinking, nicotine-addicted, designer-clad generation–that we could be (and do) anything we wanted. We learned that women could be influential and commanding, and that being a bitch is more than okay. We learned that sex was power and power was money and money was sex. We soaked in the language, the haircuts, and the motherfucking power walks. We wanted to love ‘em and leave ‘em, and we knew better than to expect a man to save us.

And in the 94th episode, all of that–everything we learned–was shot to shit. In the 94th episode, we, the wannabe Cosmo-drinking, nicotine-addicted, designer-clad generation, decided that maybe we didn’t need the company credit cards or the power suits or the independence. Maybe we didn’t want to love ‘em and leave ‘em. And maybe, just maybe, we actually didn’t know better than to expect a man to save us. Big saved Carrie. Why couldn’t he save us?

We all have a Mr. Big in our life. The one who was charming and smooth and never failed to cause tears. The one who held us at night and disappeared in the morning. The one who cooed in our ear and only came over after midnight. The one who was perfectly connected and cancelled plans on a whim. The one who made us fall in love with him and the one who broke our heart into a million tiny pieces. The one who left us crying and broken on the bathroom floor. The one who caused us to stay in bed for weeks. The one who made us feel like we’d never love again. The one who waited until we were finally moving on, finally getting past it, finally sleeping at night, before he called us. He missed us. He wanted us back.

And so we did. If Carrie did it, so could we.

We waited for things to change, waited for things to get better. We waited for answers and apologies and absolutions that, quite frankly, never came. We waited for happy endings, Prince Charming, and a penthouse apartment filled with designer shoes–but we never got it. “Sex and the City” lied: love does not conquer all, shoes will never stretch, and men do not change. For 93 episodes, we were taught to be smart, successful women. With the 94th, we became believers in fairytales. Unfortunately for us, fairytales don’t come true.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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