Sex Is Only, Like, The Third Best Thing Your Hookup Is Good For


Most people think the greatest thing about a regular hookup is the sex. And for a long time, I thought the same, until my hookup became so regular that I started seeing some other benefits come to fruition. Although sex is great, I’m finding that there is a secret hierarchy to your everyday friends with bens, in which sex is not the best thing about a regular hookup. It took a lot of theory testing, qualitative data, and an ungodly amount of time spent in a man’s disgusting bedroom that smelled like three-day-old cheeseburgers and Natty Lite, but I finally have proven the rankings on what are the best things about your casual hookup buddy, in order.

1. His Netflix Password
The only reason I even dated my last boyfriend was for his Netflix password. And once we broke up, he changed it. But the great thing about a casual hookup is that if there are no feelings, there’s no reason to change passwords if you stop boning. Meaning you will have that password at your leisure for the rest of your life. You wouldn’t be boning if it wasn’t for the “Netflix and chill” dates anyway, so the least this guy can do is give you his Netflix password. And even if he doesn’t give you the password directly, you can just carefully watch the rhythm of his hands when he enters the password, and then you have that shit on lock. I know Netflix is only like $8 a month or something, but that’s $96 a year, and there are a lot of things you can do with $96. For example, you can buy TWO Naked eyeshadow palettes. You can go to Chipotle twelve times. You can buy sixteen bottles of Burnett’s. Push comes to shove, there are a lot of things you can spend $96 on.

2. A Rent-Free Living Space
An extra bedroom and sometimes even an extra bathroom without having to pay one dime for utilities is nice. Sometimes you need a break from the noise. Whether you live with one roommate, or in a house with 25 other girls who get their period around the same time, it’s nice to have a quiet space to go besides the library or a place to crash on the opposite side of town, when you don’t feel like shelling out the moolah for an Uber.

3. Sex
Obviously sex is great. Regular sex is even better, because you know how each other’s bodies work. And orgasms are pretty nice.

4. A Cure to Boredom
Unless your casual hookup is boring as hell, he’s a free and easy get out of jail free card. Ever been so plagued by boredom that you don’t even realize you’ve hit the bottom of the Ben and Jerry’s container? Of course you have, fatass. And your man provides a nice way to distract yourself from all the nothing going on, without forcing you to work out afterword. In fact, he kind of is the workout. Fab.

5. Instagram Likes
Do it for the ‘gram, baby. And yes, I mean hook up with this guy so you can get more likes on Instagram. The greatest thing about having a steady hookup is that you CAN be friends with all of his friends because you aren’t “dating.” When you’re dating, his friends are his friends and you are just there by association. You can’t claim them as your own friends because when you break up, sides are chosen and they more than likely aren’t going to pick yours. When you have a casual hookup, his bros are your bros. There are no lines drawn in the sand, no rabbit holes to fall down, vagina first, and when you stop hooking up, they will still be your friends. Resulting in anywhere from 6-15 additional Instagram likes.

So count your blessings, not just your orgasms.

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