It’s about that time again that Facebook erupts with your estranged relatives and uninformed random people from your hometown discussing politics. Are you clueless like me? Perfect! I’ve got you covered. What better way to judge the future leader of our nation, than by creeping on their Instagrams? That’s the modern, most sensible way to pick a candidate, obviously.
Republican Candidates
- Jeb Bush
Rationale: Dude can take a mean selfie AND he watches “House Of Cards”?!?! If he’s learning his political strategies from Frank Underwood, he must know what he’s doing.
- Ben Carson
Rationale: Playing Operation in gloves? That’s so silly! I can get down with a President with a sense of humor.
- Chris Christie
Rationale: You know he’s a real Adele fan, because those tickets are not cheap. I’d love to imagine Adele blaring from the Oval Office while Chris Christie cries over his laptop while creeping on his exes.
- Ted Cruz
Rationale: Very relatable. Star Wars nerds tend to be smart, so he guess he’d be a good pick.
- Carly Fiorina
Rationale: Okaaaaay Carly. You wanna come in hot talking smack about my girl Kim K???? Pass.
- Mike Huckabee
Rationale: Such a solid candid. I appreciate a man who’s not afraid to ask, “hey do you mind taking a picture of me?” Total #TSM.
- John Kasich
Rationale: Look at that pimped out ride! Mad swag.
- Rand Paul
Rationale: Tacos, In-N-Out, and a Diet Coke. Obviously a smart man.
- Marco Rubio
Rationale: Oh heeeeyyy Marco Rubio. More like Marco RuBAEo. It’s about time we had an attractive President again. I’m about it.
- Rick Santorum
Rationale: He ’bout that rockstar life. Old friend Bono? Must’ve had some wild times for sure.
- Donald Trump
Rationale: A Sia superfan. Great taste in music. Would love to see this wig make a comeback.
Democratic Candidates
- Hillary Clinton
Rationale: Music icon turned President. What a time.
- Martin O’Malley
Rationale: Is that Jason Mraz or Martin O’Malley? Let’s get future speeches turned into serenades, O’Malley.
- Bernie Sanders
Rationale: Two words: Blue. Steel. Bernie straight serving LOOKS. Covergirl takes the White House..
Nice Move154
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Rachel Page
Rachel enjoys spending her time thinking about Britney Spears, whining about being single, and thinking about Britney Spears. She doesn't take to criticism well, so be nice or so she will cry herself to sleep! Email: rpage@grandex.co
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