It’s every guy’s fantasy to get with a porn star. I think. I’m not sure. But I know with certainty that it’s every girl’s fantasy to get with Ryan Gosling and this just sort of feels like the male equivalent. And Patrick Goswitz, a Sigma Chi at the University of Tennessee — Knoxville became a hero this weekend when he took porn actress Cherry Morgan to his formal — err, to his Parent’s Weekend which just happens to be formal.

My boy Dan Regester got the low down from ol’ Patsy.

Mmmhmm. Mmmhmm. I did one better, though. I talked to my girl Cherry, because girls give more deets and boys are dumb? Except for Pat, who I guess is a genius. From her fingers to my inbox:

Ok so. Lol in October he emailed me asking me to go to the sigma chi date night and I didn’t go. He asked me again through fb this time 8 days in advance. I checked my sched and didn’t have anything planned. I live in Knoxville but I was gone the whole week so I travelled back to make it on time for him.

I gave him my number and we sent pics back and forth of what we were going to wear. Just so we’d match a little lol

This was Cherry’s first formal, and she said she had a great time. Her date was a gentleman. I hate to be a traitor to my gender, but we tend to be jealous bitches, especially when it comes to women who our dates have probably masturbated to, so I had to ask if the other dates were friendly to her, and I was pleasantly surprised to hear that while a few of the other girls were gossiping and trying to take sneaky pictures, others were nice and fun. In either case, Cherry and Pat were the center of attention. Hairflip.

And as for the most important part. This was a family function. There were parents there. What were they thinking. Did they even know who she was?

Two dads pulled me aside ..yes lol

And that, ladies and gentleman, is called winning formal. .

Nice Move306

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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