“Well, I’ve known her for a really long time. And she was in my pledge class. I don’t know. We’ve just been through a lot together,” you explain to your boyfriend for the 54th time this week. You constantly find yourself trying to defend your friendship with Elizabeth, but it’s getting harder day by day.
“You just never seem to be happy with her,” your boyfriend says with a genuine caring expression on his face.
“It’s not like I’m just going to stop being friends with her,” you say as you take a long sip of sangria.
On one hand, I get it. It’s hard to just dump someone that you have a few really good memories with. You’ve spent many intoxicated nights crashing at her place and she even hooked you up with her best guy friend’s older brother. You owe her your loyalty, right? The thing is, you don’t owe her shit if she’s a shitty friend to you at the end of the day. If any these sound familiar, it’s time to put on your big girl panties and face the fact that you need to end this friendship ASAP.
1. She purposely tries to put you down.
What kind of friend even does this? I mean, I guess I get it. She’s jealous of you and how awesome you are and she just sucks, so she tries to insult you if the chance arises. This person will point out your insecurities or imperfections not just to you, but in front of other people as well. So you dyed your hair a weird shade of blonde and now look like Justin Timberlake circa 1997. Or maybe you decided to start slutting it up because you’re about to graduate (no judgments) and want to indulge in as much fraternity dick as you can. It’s not her place to shame you for your actions, not like her snarky comments bother you anyways. Haters gon’ hate.
2. She talks shit about EVERYONE.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, it’s time you open your eyes and realize that not all people are loyal. Basically, if somebody is willing to shit talk about literally everyone in your social circle, that person is definitely talking trash behind your back. When she says, “OMG I love your dress!” she will later turn to Stephanie and say, “She looks like a fucking cow in Lilly Pulitzer.” This “friend” isn’t trustworthy at all whatsoever to say at the least.
3. She doesn’t try to get to know your boyfriend.
I don’t know which is more annoying: your friend and boyfriend always attempting to slit each others’ throats, or your friend just not even trying to get to know him. Maybe they don’t get along for whatever reason, but a real friend would at least try to be civil. And she should at least make an effort to get to know him, even if that means learning about his boring pledge class that didn’t haze.
4. She isn’t supportive of you.
If she doesn’t respect your decisions, break up with her. However, if she is just trying to offer you real advice, maybe hear her out. There’s a fine line between holding your hair back while you puke your guts up and telling you to slow down and sitting there saying, “Wow. All you ever do is drink. Why are you even applying to grad school?” Bitch, shut up. At least you aren’t going to end up on a corner like she probably is.
5. She lies to you more than a normal human should.
Who are you kidding? You totally know this cunt hooked up with your ex. You even saw that he left his shirt at her place for crying out loud. And obviously that’s why she “couldn’t go out” when the two of you broke up, so you were left bawling your eyes out on your couch with your dog. If you don’t call her out on her shit, she is just going to keep doing it. Easier solution: get rid of Pinocchio.
The thing is, you have to change your expectations for your close friends. If you feel like you’re hanging out with Lord Voldemort all of the time, there’s something wrong. You should not be scared of what your friends are going to say about your new hairstyle. You shouldn’t regret telling a friend that you were Eiffel Tower-ed last night. You’re not being a bitch for calling it quits on this “friendship,” she’s being a bitch for treating you the way she does..