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Snooki Explains Exactly What You’re Like When You Drunkenly Resist Your Best Friend Taking You Home

The night begins like any other. You do your hair and makeup…

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Pick out an outfit…
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And take pictures.
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And after some serious pre-gaming, you’re off.
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And it’s not long before you notice your girl is drunk.
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Which is all good and fine until she sees her not boyfriend and she’s all.
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And after he seems appalled by her antics, you pray she’ll realize.
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But of course, she takes the rejection to mean he’s not getting her message.
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In an embarrassing display, she tries to seduce him.
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Some may say she’s begging at this point, but you’ve got to give it to her, home girl is persistent.
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You try to pull her away, but she’s on a mission.
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When eventually, she realizes she’s not getting laid tonight, she goes from bartering with him straight to anger.
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And so you decide that maybe it’s best she go home….She doesn’t seem to like that, either.
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And when you try to reason with her, she only gets nastier.
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And then you have to get real with her.
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“HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS GUY?”
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And finally, she breaks.
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The whooooole walk home, she’s just like…
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Kindly, you listen, knowing you’ll have your payback in the morning.
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And you do. When she finally emerges from her room at noon, she’s all…
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So you tell her exactly what a pain in the ass she was, naturally making her feel like…
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She goes through some self-loathing.
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Then comes her thinly veiled attempt at an apology.
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She comes to accept that she’s basically just an asshole. Whatever.
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So you forgive her. You make up.
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Because frankly, you know it will probably be you tomorrow night.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]

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