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Some Crazy Woman In Maryland Won’t Stop Stealing People’s Cats, Reportedly Takes Up To 20 A Week

Some Crazy Woman In Maryland Won't Stop Stealing People's Cats, Reportedly Takes Up To 20 A Week

When I was in third grade, one of my cousin’s cats jumped out from underneath the bed and scratched the ever-loving shit out of me. I had just gotten out of the shower and was completely dripping wet and naked, save a towel. When the cat attacked me (and I do mean attacked) I pretty much just started running around the house like a crazy person in an attempt to get the damn thing off me. In the process — yes, you guessed it — the towel fell off of me and I found myself in front of various members of my extended family stark naked, just like I’d been on the day I was born. It was awful. Like, truly mortifying. Ever since then, I’ve hated cats with a fiery passion. Hell, I’ve even pretended to be allergic to them at various different points of my life. But here’s the thing: Even though I don’t like cats, I don’t wish harm upon them. In fact, I didn’t think anyone wished harm upon them. Obviously, I was wrong, as a girl I went to high school with shared the following on my Facebook timeline:

If you see this woman [photo redacted] in your neighborhood, she is most likely there to trap cats. She makes no distinction between strays and your pet cat sitting on the porch. She takes them all to Baltimore County Animal Shelter, where 71% of them are euthanized. She traps in Parkville, Carney, Towson and other places I haven;t determined yet. It’s not just a couple of them once in awhile, this woman goes out daily to trap. She’s turned in 5 or more just this week.!! Has been known to bring in up to 20 a week. Very few of them are feral so they are someone’s pets. Just an FYI, she drives a HONDA FIT, I’m unclear on the color right now, will update with further info.

The county is an open admission shelter and they are forced by law to accept them. They have asked her to stop, she refuses. Several animal advocate people have spoken with her to no avail. So watch out for her and keep your kitties safe. By the way, she doesn’t keep track of where she traps them to give that info to shelter. So no one knows where exactly they are coming from. Those of us involved with advocacy can tell you with certainty that most of these cats are pets who had the misfortune of being spotted and being friendly, and trap ignorant.

What the hell did a cat ever do to her? Unless some kitty walked up to her as a young girl, smiled, and then shot her mother, I don’t really understand how someone could hate cats so much that they would quite literally steal them with the intent to have ’em killed. Seriously. Who the hell is this monster? I would say that she must be some sort of witch…but I think witches like cats. So, I don’t know, maybe she’s the devil?

Whoever she is (and I really mean “whoever,” because no one knows this crazy’s name) she needs to stop. Or, I don’t know, maybe someone should call the fucking cops. I’m pretty sure that stealing someone’s pet and then turning it over to animal control breaks, like, five different laws. While I’m fairly positive that it’s now illegal for a husband to claim ownership of his wife (except for in Utah) can’t people still “own” animals? Bitch is a thief! And at twenty cats a week, bitch is a pretty aggressive thief at that.

Seeing as how I 100 percent slept through my freshman year criminology course, I don’t really have a ton of advice to offer to these poor (cat-less) people of Maryland, but I can tell you that getting your asses off of Facebook and into a police station is probably a good start.

Image via Shutterstock

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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