Instagram is a great tool. It allows you to showcase your weekend debaucheries, check out what your ex is up to, and passive-aggressively like your frienemy’s try-hard attempts at conveying that she does, in fact, have somewhat of a social life. Shortly after the invention of Instagram came day-specific traditions, such as Transformation Tuesday, Woman Crush Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, and perhaps the most abused and poorly used, Man Crush Monday.
Don’t get me wrong, MCM can have some straight up glorious results. I have nothing against bitches flooding my feed with pictures of shirtless Zac Efron or David Beckham holding one of his impossibly adorable children. I’m quick to toss out a well-earned like to any girl who allows me the honor of setting my undeserving eyes on the godly sight that is Channing Tatum. Monday is undoubtedly the creepy uncle of weekdays, so Man Crush Monday has loads of potential…if used correctly.
Dumb girls have been abusing the sanctity of Man Crush Monday since its conception. Yes, you know exactly who I’m talking about. There is always that one obnoxious girl who continues to filter pictures of her boyfriend week after week, and she even tacks on multiple hashtags like #ilovehim, #bae, #MCM, and, just so we have that last ounce of unnecessary assurance, #boyfriend.
This is a travesty, and it’s time to cut the shit. Not only is MCMing pictures of your boyfriend completely pointless, but it really annoys all of your slowly dwindling 432 followers. Here’s why.
WE KNOW YOU TWO ARE DATING. It’s that simple. You spend the other six days of the week Instagramming barely tolerable selfies of the two of you. Your followers are not blind. Not to mention, you obviously have a crush on him if you two are together. This isn’t 18th Century Europe; you picked your boyfriend for a reason, and we know that. Quit shoving it in our faces. This isn’t some sort of bitter, single girl rant–it’s just common courtesy to not piss off everyone who was gracious enough to grant your moronic ass a follow.
Man Crush Monday is a day to envision the idea of your subpar life blessed by the presence of a piece of chiseled, bronze, man meat, like Taylor Lautner after his weird “Twilight” haircut (or lack thereof). Take the opportunity to brighten your day by imagining what life would be like if you came home to Ryan Gosling instead of your three roommates and bitchy cat. Picture your life in some exotic country that allows polygamy, where you engage in a swift union with both Franco brothers. Or don’t. Whatever. Just stop posting pictures of your boyfriend. Girls, just do yourself a favor by throwing out a hot platter of bitchery and unfollowing the wench who does, week after week.
Nice Move370
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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